Too Hard to Continue Loving You

I was a pathetic girlfriend of one of the charming guys in the Scotland. The people knew that he doted on me.

On the day that I found out I was pregnant, I ran to tell him excitedly. However, I heard him saying to his brothers.

"How could I really marry such an average woman? I only pursued her because I lost a bet!"

His brother started to make fun of me, "Then how do you explain the little rubber band on your wrist? I see you wearing it every day."

Paul Wilson quickly took off the hair band on his wrist and threw it on the ground.

"You know her; she cries if I don't wear it. To be honest, it's really annoying after a long time."

His brothers looked in disbelief.

Paul took out a wedding invitation and threw it in front of him, "I'm getting married next week. I’ll be marrying Emma Jones, the goddess of the Scotland."

Later, I aborted the child and disappeared from his world. Nonetheless, he cried and looked for my whereabouts everywhere.

——

I stood outside the door and clenched the pregnancy report in my hand, as if falling into an ice cave.

Paul's brothers took the wedding invitation and looked at it carefully, "Oh, wow. Your bride is really gorgeous. Emma Jones? Paul, didn’t she go abroad in an anger because of your crybaby girlfriend. I didn't expect that you two have kept in touch all these years!"

"No wonder you wanted to throw away the little rubber band you’ve been wearing for five years. It turns out that the queen is back in the town!"

One of his brothers picked up the hair band on the ground and looked around in his hand.

"In these days, it’s only your innocent girlfriend likes to give such childish and cheap gifts. The watch that Emma gave you was more worth millions."

"Paul, I will help you throw this little broken thing into the trash can!"

As soon as he finished speaking, Paul frowned and stretched out his hand to stop him. Yet when he raised his eyes, he saw me outside the box door.

Paul stopped moving immediately. He withdrew his hand with an awkward look and said in an unnatural tone, "Olivia, why are you here? Don't you say you dislike this kind of occasion and never come to this kind of place?"

I only glanced at him and stepped forward to take the hair band from his brother's hand. The cheap and childish little rubber band in their mouths was bought for me by my grandma when she walked to the store with a cane during her serious illness.

My grandma said that after she passed away, she would become a star in the sky and continue to protect me, so that I would not be sad. This hair band contained her endless love for me and it was also the last thought left to me by my beloved.

On the day when I officially got together with Paul, I gave him something I regarded as a treasure and told him the origin of this star hair band. When he carefully put the hair band on his wrist, I still remembered the solemn oath. However, he forgot it first.

I took back the dusty hairband, cleaned it carefully and put it back on my wrist. The hairband was a little white, old and loose.

My eyes were red and tears welled up in the corners of my eyes, but I never looked at him again.

Paul looked a little embarrassed and said impatiently, "You start it again, cry, keep crying all day long! I was just joking with my friends. Do you have to be so sensitive? Can you change your crying habit? It's like you have suffered a lot of grievances with me!"

The brothers around saw that Paul's face was not right. They also explained, "Sisterinlaw, don't get us wrong. Paul was just joking with us. This is a small rubber band he has worn for five years. How could he really bear to throw it away?"

I still said nothing and walked straight towards Paul. Our eyes met. There was a little panic in his eyes, but more of it was dissatisfaction with my performance that day.

Paul pursed his lips and his eyes darkened. I knew he was angry and about to explode. He was waiting for me to compromise with him like before. Yet, I wouldn't do that this time.

I stood in front of him and looked at him steadily. Just when I was about to open my mouth, he raised his lips and held my hand, thinking that I was going to admit my mistake to him.

Nevertheless, I pointed to the wedding invitation on the table with my finger and smiled bitterly, "Paul, I wish you a happy wedding."

Just before my tears burst out, I struggled to break away from Paul's hand and wanted to leave. The smile on his mouth froze instantly. He waved his hand in anger and swept the invitation off the table.

He coldly said, "Olivia, are you still not done? You’re such a fool and ignorant. You were not like this before. Don't you think about it, besides being obedient and sensible, what else is your worth showing off!"

I froze in place and my heart ached. The people in the circle said that I was not worthy of Paul, but I never cared.

Paul took the initiative to pursue me at the beginning and I didn't know that he was a rich man. He was recognized as a prince in the circle, but he hid his identity and pursued me, an average girl.

It was not until the second year of our relationship that I accidentally learned his identity. I asked him to break up at that time. I knew that there would be no result in the end because of our disparity in status.

He left without anything, until he stood downstairs in the rain in the middle of the night and called my name. I heard the drunkenness in Paul's voice, he drank a lot of wine.

He was soaked all over, shivering with cold and blood stains appeared on his thin shirt.

He kept shouting to the rainy night with a high tone, "Olivia, I have convinced my family. Are you willing to face the ups and downs of the rest of my life with me?"

The muddy water under his feet was also stained red. I didn't know what happened after he left, but I could see how hard he worked for me.

At that moment, I rushed downstairs without caring about anything, threw myself into his arms and hugged him tightly.

I always thought we were in love and everyone saw how much Paul doted on me. He would prepare to celebrate our anniversary many days in advance. He said that love should be shown in an exaggerated way and he wanted to let the whole world knew his love.

When I was in a low mood, he would take me on a spontaneous trip and we watched the sunrise and sunset together. He would also carefully remember all my preferences and give me surprises again and again.

I thought he was the person who loved me the most in the world besides my grandma.

However, I didn't expect that all the socalled love of Paul Wilson was fake. He pursued me just to make a bet with others, betting whether his real lover would be jealous of this. Then he finally succeeded in making his lover jealous and they are about to get married.

At that time, I could no longer suppress the grief in my heart and my tears burst out. Just as I turned around, Paul grabbed my arm, pointed at the pregnancy report in my hand.

He said sternly, "What did you do in the hospital? Are you feeling uncomfortable? Why didn't you tell me?"

My heart stagnated and I held the report in my hand tighter, but my voice was very cold.

"Nothing. Didn't you say you wanted a child last night, so I went to the hospital for a checkup early in the morning to prepare for pregnancy."

In fact, when Paul suddenly proposed to have a child of ours last night, I was very excited.

These few days, I vaguely realized that I seemed to be pregnant, so I wanted to go to the hospital to confirm it clearly before giving him a surprise.

Ironically, he gave me a surprise in advance.

Paul immediately let go of my hand after hearing what I said and sneered, "You’re so thoughtful. You learned the tricks of those women outside and want to use pregnancy to force me to marry you and tie me down, huh?"

The eyes of several people around also showed contempt. People who had been wandering around all year round like them hated women using pregnancy to force the royalty the most.

Originally, Paul was different from them. He was very loyal and never disdained to play with women. However, my words pulled him down from the top of the mountain. No wonder that he was angry.

He didn't stop me, as if letting me turned around and left.

When I passed by him, I vaguely saw the panic flashing in his eyes. Yet, in the next second, he looked back like a normal.

I lowered my head and smiled bitterly. I should have been dazzled by the emotional fluctuations that day.

After leaving the club, I made an appointment for an abortion surgery the next day. I also booked a flight to Ireland seven days later.

Falling in this passionate love, I almost forgot that I once had a dream. Back home, I cooked hot soup noodles for dinner as usual.

When Paul was young, his parents were busy with business. He rarely had a meal when he came home from school in the evening. Over time, his stomach was hungry.

After we got together, I got used to cooking him a bowl of hot noodle soup every night.

My grandma said that noodle soup was the best for the stomach. She used to make it for me, but later I made it for Paul.

I was afraid that he would get tired of it, so I put a lot of thought into the side dishes and ingredients and made it for him in different ways.

Yet, in that night, I knew he wouldn't come back to eat. I didn't have much appetite because of my pregnancy. I couldn't eat it after crying.

Most of the bowl of noodles was left. I put down my forks and went back to my room to rest. I dreamed that Paul came back in a daze. He got into bed and hugged me, asking with concern.

"Why didn't you eat dinner properly? Hey, why do you feel so hot? Do you have a fever?"

He got up from the bed, tucked the corners of the quilt for me and muttered softly, "You can't leave me just like that. You've made yourself sick."

After a while, I felt a warm towel on my forehead. Paul brought another cup of warm water and handed two pills to my mouth.

He softly said, "Olivia, take the medicine. Your fever will go down. When you get better, I will take you on a trip, okay? Where should we go this time?"

In the past, whenever I was unhappy, he would take me to relax. We went to many places and we agreed to go to Ireland to see the ancient castles and mysterious forests next time.

However, it didn't matter anymore. I would be able to go there alone soon.

I was drowsy as I waved away the pills and water cup at my mouth.

"I can't take the medicine. It's not good for the baby."

The water cup fell to the ground and I woke up instantly. I reluctantly opened my eyes despite the discomfort and my voice became colder.

"The doctor said that I can't take random medicines during the pregnancy. Otherwise, it will be bad for the baby in the future."

Paul's face darkened instantly, with anger flashing in his eyes.

"Olivia, it's so late and you’re still thinking about using the child to force me?"

I looked cold. My tone was heavy and sad, "Your wedding invitations have been sent out, why should I force you?"

Paul was stunned for a moment. He gently stroked my long hair and softened his tone, "Olivia, I can explain. Emma and I are not like what you think, we are..."

The cell phone rang all of a sudden. A different ringtone from the one he usually used. If I guessed correctly, it should be Emma's exclusive ringtone.

This ringtone had only rung a few times in five years. Every time, Paul would lie that it was a call from a big foreign customer. After that, he hid on the balcony to answer it.

This time, there was no exception, he still went to the balcony. Through the glass door, I saw his lips slightly raised and the corners of his eyes were smiling. I clearly saw his mouth shape.

"I'll go to the airport to pick you up now."

Paul returned to the room and looked at me with some embarrassment. He said apologetically, "Olivia, what should I do? My company suddenly has an emergency and I have to go there."

I stared at his eyes until he avoided my gaze guiltily. He leaned over and kissed my forehead.

He said in a sweettalking tone, "Fine. Since you don't want me to leave, no matter how important the company's affairs are, I won't leave."

In the past, when he said such words, I would be very considerate and let him go to work quickly. Yet this time, I didn't do it like before.

Instead, I followed his words and said softly, "Great, then stay with me."

Paul didn't say anything, but he frowned and looked at me.

I shook my head and suddenly felt that it was really boring, so I smiled and said, "I'm just kidding, go get busy."

His tense nerves finally relaxed and he habitually stroked my long hair.

"Olivia, I will give you an explanation about the wedding invitation. You don't need to worry about it too much. I told you that we will always be together and you can have a child in the future. Not now, in two years, you can have as many children as you want."

I felt sad, so he meant that I could only give birth to an illegitimate child after his and Emma's child was born?

I didn't ask this question because it was meaningless.

Paul left in a hurry and he didn't send me a message until 11 o'clock in the evening.

"Olivia, I have an urgent business and I have to go out of town. I will be back in a week. You stay at home and recuperate. When I come back, I will take you to Ireland, where you have always wanted to go."

I took a few deep breaths, trying to relieve the severe pain in my heart. I then silently replied with one word, "Okay."

The next day, I went to the hospital alone for an abortion. When I laid on the cold operating table, I felt the passing of the little life in my belly. My heart was numb with pain.

My tears flowed down the corners of my eyes and my fiveyear relationship with Paul ended completely at this moment.

After being discharged from the hospital and returning home, I sorted out all my things. I didn't take any of the things Paul gave me. I took down the photo wall in the living room. It was full of intimate photos of Paul and I when we travelled.

I cut the photos in half and threw them into the trash can. On the morning of departure, I saw a video about the grandest wedding in the history on my mobile phone.

In the video, Paul declared his wedding vows affectionately, just as he did when he confessed to me. I never doubt his sincerity, but it completely changed in an instant.

I put the pregnancy report and abortion surgery form on the bedside. I then dragged my suitcase and left resolutely.

As soon as I arrived at the airport, my phone vibrated wildly.