Loving The Crippled Soldier, A Hero

Today I give up on a dream, not really by my own choice but still, it was the end of something big. Something I prepared for my whole life, something that drove every bone in my body, it was the sole purpose behind every single thing that I did. I always believed I would do something great, that I would become my dream. I guess dreams can't last forever, but I sure wish that this one did.

My name is Clayton Jackson. I joined the Marine Corps when I was eighteen, today at the age of twentyfive I am told that I can no longer serve. I am on a bus back home now, to say that I am not devastated would be a lie. Home is the last place I ever saw myself coming to, especially not so soon.

As I climb off at the bus stop in the middle of town, I can already see the heads turning. This is such a small place, by the time I get home my mom will already be waiting for me.

And that is exactly what happens.

My mom comes racing down the stairs to greet me just as I set foot through the front gate. "Clay, my god you are home. Why did you not tell us? Betty from the flower shop told me that she saw you".

She damn near chokes me to death from her repeated tiny little hugs, I can barely utter a word. "Mom, does Betty have nothing better to do than spread gossip?"

She chuckles and squeezes me for the fifth time.

In the distance I see my father step off the porch to come to offer me the best that he can, nothing near as warm as a hug but a firm handshake. "You know how this town is son. They occupy themselves with everybody's business but their own"

"Well, I am just glad you came to visit," my mom says as she is still squeezing me firm. "Come, let your dad take your bag and I will go make us some coffee"

"Your brother and his latest girlfriend is in the lounge", my dad shamelessly says.

"Richard you can't say things like that", my mom reprimands him.

Dad takes my bag but does not leave until he can get his final five cents worth in. "Denice the child has a different girl on his arm every week. The town is running dry out of women"

"Leave him, he is just enjoying life while he is young. Not like Clay here that has his head screwed on in the right place"

I watch as dad disappears through the door, but wait, he is not done yet. "I still say you should have become a doctor but I guess serving your country is just as good."

My dad takes my bag to my room while my mom heads into the kitchen to go make us some coffee. I sneak up behind my brother and smack him against the head.

"What the fuck?" he spins around in his chair to see whom it comes from.

"Hey, old Matty boy. I hear mom says you smooching a new girl"

I pull him into a big old man hug as he stands up from the couch. "Clay, bro, what are you doing here? You are not up for leave"

"Man, don't even ask. The old man is going to flip his valves a few times"

"Don't tell me you got kicked out?", he says out of concern.

"You can say I sort of did."

Matt drops down on the chair while rubbing his hands together, not from the cold but from the excitement he perceives is about to happen. "I want a front row to this, dad is going to rip you a new one."

"I am more worried about what the old lady is going to say."

"What happened bro? We have not heard from you since you were deployed."

I reach over and whisper in his ear making sure that the girl next to him cannot hear. I watch him as his face goes pale and his eyes grow wide, this will be my mom's reaction but only tenfold.

"Fuck no! Shit bro, what happened? You gotta be shitting me!"

"A man does not joke about shit like this."

I watch him as he tries to hold back the tears. "Mom is going to be pissed. Why did you not phone us?"

"Guess I had to work through it myself first. I did not want the old lady to stress. You know how she can be." I look away trying to hold the tears back myself.

"What are you going to do now?"

"Stay here for a few months and head to the city."

"I will come with you if you want the extra luggage. I am tired of this shithole anyway." He chuckles as he looks on over to the girl next to him.

"So who is the new girl?", I desperately try to change the subject.

"This is Elle, she moved into town a month ago."

"You sure as hell do not waste any time. What happened to Becky?"

"Oh he dumped her for me", Elle explains.

"You do know he is nothing but trouble?", I look at her and smile.

She looks at me with a smile you will only get from a naughty school girl. "My mom says I only like the bad boys".

"There used to be a time Clay was the bad boy of the town but then he ran off to join the Marines."

"Oh girls just love a man in uniform", She winks at me and smiles.

"Oh is that so?" Matt's face lights up as he gets an idea. "Bro, can I borrow your service uniform?"

"You touch my shit and I break your fingers."

"Damn", he tries to convince me. "Can you imagine the girls you will get if you wear that shit? You might even get Miss Old Stubborn on the hill there moaning."

It immediately sparks my curiosity. "Who is Miss Old Stubborn?"

"She moved in there a week ago. She has not spoken to anyone since she has been here"

"She does not even leave the property, she gets the grocer to deliver her groceries", Elle adds.

"She sounds more like Miss Snob to me", is the first thing that comes to my mind.

"That is exactly what I said", Elle agrees with what I said.

"Maybe you should go past there and introduce yourself and in the same breath just throw it out there that you are in the Marines", Matt tries to encourage me, he knows that I could do with the company other than my family.

"You would almost do everything to get laid", I chuckle at his remark.

"Not almost, he does", Elle slaps him playfully on the arm.

Just then mom comes into the lounge. "Here you go, my boy."

Mom hands me my coffee and sits next to me on the couch. The only thing running through my mind is "Please don't touch me, just don't touch me." But she just casually sits and continues sipping on her tea. "How long are you staying this time?"

Then dad walks into the lounge. "By the weight of that bag, a bit more than usual."

Thank god he did not look in the bag, he would have seen that everything I own is in there. What could not fit in there, will come by courier later this week.

"The thing is, there is something I need to tell you guys", I get the courage to tell them what is really going on, why I am back home.

"Don't tell me you got kicked out of the fucking Marines!" My dad does not even give me time to explain.

"Richard!", My mom has to reprimand him again.

"What?" He just looks at my mom as if he has done nothing wrong. "I told him he should have become a doctor", he continues to add.

I don't know if I have the energy for this shit. Maybe I should just shut my mouth and let him think whatever he wants. He is the most hardheaded man I know, bumping heads with him is like trying to teach a rock how to move. "Yes maybe you are right dad, at least I would not have disgraced you"

"I did not say you disgraced me, Clay. I am just disappointed."

I know it is still going to be long before he is going to shut up about this doctor thing.

"Richard, I am sure he has a very good reason for what happened", my mom takes my side against him. She gives me a slight squeeze around my shoulders.

I take a deep breath and calm down before I speak again. "Yes I do mom but it is not something I want to talk about right now"

"Well, it is never too late to become a doctor. You are still young", my dad most irritatingly carries on.

"Dad, just let me get through this day and then the next. I will tell you what happened when I am ready."

"Fair enough, it is not like you going anywhere"

"Richard! Stop being a jerk", my mom shoots my dad a look that I sure can almost kill him and smacks him against the head.

I can almost not keep in my laughter as I watch dad's head snap to the left. "It is fine mom, if you will excuse me, it was a long bus ride, I would like to get some rest."

"I will wake you up for supper."

I give my mom a kiss on the forehead before I get up and leave the lounge. The truth is, I am not tired, I am just not in the mood for this.

I get to my room and as usual, nothing has changed, it is like stepping back into a time capsule. As I try to unpack my bag, I discover that even my old clothes from when I was eighteen are still hanging in here. Mom has always been one to cling onto things just as I will be clinging onto those uniforms and their memories that is in my bag.

Once I have finished finding space to unpack my things, I get ready to lay down on the bed for a few hours. But before I can, there is a knock on my door. "Come in"

"Hey sweetie, I brought you some extra blankets", my mom peaks around the door.

I hug as I take them from her. "Thank you, mom."

She looks at me lovingly. "Don't worry about your dad, you do what you have to do"

I get back onto the bed and under the covers. I soon drift off to sleep and the nightmares start.

.....

I can hear myself screaming as bullets fly over my head. "We are under attack! Fall back! Fall back!"

There is a soldier next to me that is trying to cover us as best as he can. "I can't go back! We are surrounded. They are fucking everywhere"

"Just get us the fuck out of here! Drive through them. NOW. Just drive!" I order the soldier to get us out of the range of the fire coming that is coming hot and heavy from the militia attacking us.

But the soldier starts to panic as the truck is not going fast enough. "This truck won't make it on this dirt road so fast. I need to go slow. We have not cleared it for live explosives"

"I don't care!" My voice echoes over the gunfire that is now coming in fast. "Just get us out of here. LET'S GO. LET'S GO."

Then there is a massive explosion, the tuck flips and crashes down onto its side.

"Aaahhh fuck", I utter as my body as thrown from side to side.

"Clay! Sir!" The soldier tries to grab on to me.

"Goddammit" is the only word I can utter. My head is still zinging from the bomb and my damn body hurts.

"Are you okay Sir?"

"I think so". I try to assess the situation but my first instinct is the safety of my squad. "Is everyone else okay?"

"Yes, we are all fine. We are going to have to make it out on foot the rest of the way."

"Come help me out of here, I am stuck"

The soldier tries to pull me out. "I can't get you out, Sir."

"Fuck my goddamn leg is crushed" I look at him in shock as I realized my leg is stuck between the front panel and the seat.

"Can you move it, Sir?" The soldier looks at me very concerned.

"I can not feel it! I can not feel my fucking leg." There are fear and absolute horror written over my face.

.....

I wake up in a panic and feel my leg.

It is the same it was on that day three months ago when I woke up in the hospital and it is the same it has been every day since then. The pain that I felt after that surgery was worse for me mentally than it ever was for me physically. When I woke up that day my life ended.

They say that I saved my squad's life that day and for that, I got a medal of honor. But no medal can make up for what I lost that day. My leg. I am supposed to be a hero but I am not, I am a broken man. Nobody wants a broken man, they need a hero. A broken man does not get the girls, he gets to be lonely. My only wish now is to meet someone that is going to take me for who I am, a broken soldier.

I wake up the next morning, I guess that I missed supper. Dad is sure going to say something about that. What he will be saying something over is if I stay in here the whole day. I so much just want to get back under the covers and forget about the rest of the week.

But what I want and can do is two different things. So I have no choice but to get up and have a shower. At first, the shower was a difficult thing, trying to wash and hop around in the same place without slipping and falling flat on my ass. But they say it is incredible how your other limbs adapt and make up for the one you lost.

Getting dressed is going to pose a whole new problem, at the base I would walk around in shorts not caring what people said about my prosthetic leg. But mom and dad do not know so I am going to have to cover it up for now.

As I make my way downstairs I can hear mom and dad whisper.

"I am telling you Denice that boy is hiding something."

"Richard just leave him alone, he just came back from an ugly place. He will talk when he is ready."

I pretend to have not heard them and walk into the kitchen.

"Hey mom, hey dad."

"Morning my son, I just made your father some bacon and eggs. Can I dish you some?"

"Yes please, mom."

And of course, my father does not waste any time. "So what are your plans for today?"

"I thought I might take a walk up on the hill."

"Oh yes," my mom eagerly starts. "That new girl lives there, why don't you go say hello?"

"I am not really up to making friends now. I want to figure out what it is that I want to do."

If I thought my father would be sympathetic, I was wrong. "I agree with you there, you don't have time to clog your head with a girl now. Don't be like your brother."

Mom dishes up for me as Matt comes into the kitchen. "What have I done now again?"

"Dad says I should not become like you."

"Yes please don't turn into a loser."

My father is not the least impressed with Matt's outburst for he immediately tries to set him straight. "I did not say you are a loser Matt, you should just start getting your head out the clouds."

"Why don't you just accept none of your sons are going to become a doctor?"

"If you do not throw your head away in that tech shit then you still can."

"I am not going to become a doctor dad, deal with it."

I am not in the mood for this argument, it can go on and on all day long. It is the same thing over and over again almost every day. I rush to finish my breakfast and hand my mom the empty plate.

"Mom breakfast was nice, I am going for a walk."

"Just take your phone with in case."

"Sure mom, I will see you for lunch."

I leave out the back door and start taking the path up to the hill.

We use to come out here as children and play hide and seek. As we grew older and we got into girls, we use to take them to that empty house on the hill, the one where Miss Stubborn stays now.

I have not attempted to try and walk this far with my leg yet but I would just about do anything to get away from that argument in the kitchen. My dad does push his doctor dream a bit too far some days.

After about making it up halfway up, I decided to sit down on a nearby rock. I think maybe my attempt to walk all the way up there will have to wait for another day.

I am just about to get up and leave when I am startled by a voice behind me.

"Hi."

"Fuck do not creep up on a man like that."

"Then don't be such an easy target to creep up too."

"I did not see you on the pathway. Where did you pop out from?"

"I popped out from there at the top, I live up there on the mountain."

"Ohhhh, Miss Stubborn."

"Miss what?"

"They call you Miss Stubborn."

"But they don't know my name, they don't know me. How can they say I am stubborn?"

"That is exactly why you are Miss Stubborn. They say that you don't want to speak to them."

"Are you one of them, do you also call me Miss Stubborn?"

"No, I only got back into town yesterday. Don't worry I am not going to call you that. But what can I call you?"

"Isabella. And you are?"

"Clayton, but just because you are actually so nice, you can call me Clay."

"Ah thanks, you can call me Isabella."

"I think I take it back, I am going to call you Miss Isabella Stubborn."

"Urgh! Stop with the stubborn. You sound like my damn husband."

"Oh sorry, are you married?"

"Was married, he passed away six months ago."

"Is that why you up there alone on the mountain?"

"Not that it is any of your business but yes."

"You stubborn and feisty, I can't say that I like it."

"I did not say you have to like me."

"Are you always so full of shit?"

"Are you always so full of yourself?"

"That is what my platoon leader also said to me."

"Oh, are you in the Marines?"

"I was, got my bus ticket back home."

"My husband was also in the Marines but he came back in a body bag though."

"I am really sorry to hear that. I would invite you for coffee but I am staying with my folks."

"It's fine, do you want to come back up to my place?"

"Only if I can post it in the town blog, I finally spoke to Miss Stubborn."

"Urgh. How am I going to live down that name? I am not inviting the town to my home."

"Let me take you for lunch in town tomorrow instead. What do you say?"

"First coffee and then lunch. Mmmm. What are the town folk going to say?"

"That I am lucky?"

"Now you just flirting, let me go make you that coffee."

I walk with Isabella up to her house. She seems like a nice girl. I watch as the wind plays with her long brown hair, the way that the seams of her dress flap in the breeze. She is damn hot and so beautiful.

She shows me inside, it is exactly still the same as I remember it.

"You know the guys in town use to bring their girls out here when they wanted to get laid."

"You got to be kidding me? I live in a whore house?"

"Well now that you say it like that, yes you do."

"Thanks for that image in my head, tonight I am going to dream of people making out."

"Is that what you dream about? That is hot!"

"If I knew you better, I would have slapped you."

"You are quite the kinky girl, you dream of people making out and spanking men."

"I said slap and get that image of me out your head?"

"Which one? You being naked or the spanking one."

"Urgh! You damn near impossible."

"That is the best compliment I have received all day."

She slaps me on my shoulder.

"Does that mean that we know each better?"

"I have known you for twenty minutes and I already want to strangle you."

"I have known you for twenty minutes and already seen you spanking men naked in my head."

"You such a jerk."

"Says Miss Stubborn herself."

"The next time you say that name, I am really going to strangle you."

She serves us coffee while we sitting around the kitchen table. We make small talk about town, I do not ask her about her husband and she does not ask me why I left the Marine Corps.

I am drinking my coffee as slow as I possibly can. I don't know what but something just wants me to stay with her. Seven years in the Corps does make a man lonely. Yes, I had a few girlfriends on and off through the years but none of it worked out. The chances of me getting a girl now, let alone her, it will never happen.

I finally finish my coffee and say my goodbyes.

"See you at eleven tomorrow?"

"Eleven tomorrow."

"It was nice to meet you Miss Stubborn."

She just laughs at me as I start making my way down the path home. I do not notice the big smile on my face as I enter the kitchen. My mom is the first one to see me walking inside.

"You better be smiling for a good reason because you missed lunch."

And as my father always does, he feels to reprimand a grownup man.

"Your mother phoned you nearly six times."

"Sorry, mom but I got distracted."

"Did you see some lovely birds up there?" she asks.

"Oh yes there is definitely a lovely bird up there."

"Oh, what type?"

"The female type."

This does raise Matt's attention as he now eagerly asks. "Damn dog, did you met her?

"Yes, I met Miss Stubborn."

"Oh tell us about her." my mom curiously asks. "Is she really as pretty as Betty says she is?"

"Mom she is beautiful, I have never seen a more beautiful woman in my life before."

"So what is her name? When are we going to meet her?"

"Her name is Isabella. And I am taking her for lunch tomorrow."

I watch as my father just shakes his head. "Oh god, there goes the town gossip again. It seems all they talk about these days are my boys and their sex lives."

"Dad it is just lunch."

"Nothing is just lunch when it comes to Betty."

After supper I go straight upstairs to my room as I throw my jacket over the chair, a piece of paper falls out of my pocket. I smile as I open to see what it is. It is her number, it is Isabella's phone number. I immediately take it and send her a text.

"I see you are still being sneaky"

"It is just too easy to sneak up on you."

"I will see you tomorrow."

"Eleven. I will be waiting for you."

I drop my phone down onto the bed next to me.

"Isabella."

I cannot stop smiling as I say her name. I have not been so excited about a girl in almost forever. I cannot wait to see her again.

But as I fall asleep her name is soon forgotten as the same nightmare plays all over in my head again.

It is early morning and I am still lying in bed. I look over at the clock, it is only five now, this would be round about the time our platoon leader will come chase our asses out of bed. There is no way I am getting my ass out of bed now, I turn over onto my good leg and fall right back to sleep.

......

I hear rapid gunfire coming in from the distance, the entire squad goes into panic as they start shouting at and over each other. I have a muchpanicked soldier next to me, the fear on his face is clear is the light of day.

"Sir, we need to go! We need to go now!"

"Help me out! I can't move my leg!"

He furiously tries to pull and pull, but my leg is not budging an inch. The evergrowing amount of fear is now visible in his voice.

"Sir I can't get you lose, try to move your leg."

"I can't move it" I go dead still and realize that he is not going to get it out. "It is crushed."

The gunfire is now getting closer and closer. It is merely but a couple a meters away from where we crashed.

"Leave me here, go get help."

"Sir I can't leave you here!"

I immediately start to raise my voice and demand him to accept my authority. But it only sounds as much as a whisper coming in under the gunfire.

"Leave me here."

"Sir I can't."

"It's an order soldier, go look for help."

........

I am startled awake by the buzzing of my phone, after that nightmare I am very happy to see that it is Isabella.

"Morning soldier, thanks to you I dreamt of teenagers spanking each other."

"Hahaha now that is not my fault and I must say that is so not kinky at all."

"Well in my dreams I was a teenager so it was fun in my head."

"Mmmm don't go give me ideas now, I might just dress you up as a schoolgirl and spank you."

"Hahaha, you are absolutely impossible. Get your head out the gutter, it's almost time for lunch."

"Can't wait, see you just now Miss Stubborn"

"You better watch that mouth soldier."

I drop down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I like this girl, I wonder how much she is going to like me though when she sees I am not all the man that she thinks I am.

I get up and rush to the shower, it is ten, and my father is going to have a good old fit because I slept in so late. What can I say, nightmares don't keep time, and they will come for you and keep you as long as they want.

I put my buddy on as I get dressed, yes that is what I call my prosthetic leg, after all, buddies are there to carry you, just this is not really the type of buddy you want.

I make my way to the kitchen, I can hear my father and Matt having a bitching session so early in the morning. My father is the first to say his five cents worth. "Ah look who has decided to finally wake up."

"Richard don't start your nonsense, why don't you go read your book, you very annoying this morning."

Matt nearly topples over as my mom slaps my father against the head. "You tell him, mom."

"You better watch your mouth," my father warns him. "You not too old to get a smack."

I only shake my head as this is neverending. "Is this what you guys do every morning or should I rather say every day."

"He complains every morning about what I plan to do for the day," Matt explains as he moves a bit further away.

"Which usually is nothing," my dad says as he glares at Matt. "His damn eyes are stuck to that computer the whole day."

"I don't think I have the energy for that shit every morning." I wave them off as I head for the back door. "I am off to take Isabella for lunch. I should be back for dinner mom."

"You go have a good time, you can always bring her past here if you want."

"And let her listen to these two, I would rather not torture the poor girl."

I head out the back door and make my way up the path, today the walk goes much slower, my leg is hurting from trying to push myself so far yesterday. I will just tell her my body is sore from training with my brother.

I finally make it to her front door, before I even knock, it opens.

"Good morning soldier, I thought you weren't going to come."

"And not give Miss old Stubborn shit, why would I pass that opportunity up?"

"Well if you are ready then I am."

"Come let's go give this town something to talk about."

"Mmmm it sounds like you want to start a scandal."

"Do you feel like starting a scandal with me?"

"That depends."

"Now what would that depend on?"

"If you spank me."

"Hahaha, you are absolutely terrible."

"I just had to put it out there. Those goddamn dreams were horrible, thanks to you."

"Well, hopefully, you will be dreaming about me tonight."

"You pretty sure about yourself. What makes you think I will dream about you?"

"You have not stop staring at me for the past five minutes. You nearly walked into that tree."

"You would only know that I nearly walked into that tree if you were staring at me."

"I guess then we were staring at each other."

We get to the road that leads to the main road into town. She goes very quiet, I don't know if she is just nervous or if she is scared. Scared why I would not know, I think she has just had herself locked away from people for far too long.

"Hey, Miss Stubborn."

"Yes, soldier?"

"You here with me, I won't let these vultures eat you up, least of all Betty."

She takes my hand in hers, the soft touch of her fingers against my palm sets my body on fire. I swallow deep as my cheeks turn a bright pink.

"You okay there soldier."

"Never been better. We sure going to have the town talking now."

"Well, you did say you want to give them something to talk about."

"Well holding hands was not quite what I had in mind."

"Mmmm and what did you have in mind?"

"I was waiting for Betty to pop up then I was going to show you."

"There is an old lady over there frantically typing away on her phone."

I look on over the road to where the coffee shop is.

"Yes, that is old Betty. I am sure my mom knows we are here and a few of my exgirlfriends."

"Well, are you going to show me now what you had in mind?"

I spin her around and pull her into my body. I lower my lips and brush it against hers. I kiss her and it feels like the world falls away. It is slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. I clasp her face in my hands, my thumb caressing her cheek. She runs her fingers down my spine, pulling me closer. I can feel the beating of her heart against my chest. There is a fire between us, twisting and turning.

I pull her even closer until there is no space left between our trembling bodies, her warm fingers is grasping my waist, I am lost in her, I am lost in her kiss, and all my defenses give way before this mysterious girl. I pull away and rest my forehead against hers, our bodies are panting.

"Wow soldier, I did not expect that."

"Sorry I kind of got carried away there, I was aiming for a peck."

"Well your aim was far off there but I am definitely not complaining, now if it was that peck then I would have."

"Hahaha can never keep a woman happy. Now, how about that lunch."

We walk across the road past good old Betty, who has now shamelessly taken a picture, we are for sure going to be in her stupid little blog. Whatever keeps the poor old gal happy?

I take a seat across from Isabella. She is absolutely gorgeous, I see her differently now. It's like I had a taste into her soul. Her brown hair is hanging loosely over her face, framing her beautiful eyes. The smell of her sweet perfume is lingering in the air. It is intoxicating, every bit of her is just drawing me in. I want more of her, I want to kiss those soft lips again, feel her body tight into mine.

"What you staring at soldier?"

"At you Miss Stubborn."

"And what are you staring at me for?"

"Can I be bluntly forward?"

"Be as blunt as you want."

"You are beautiful and I want to kiss you again."

"Guess it is your lucky day because I want to kiss you again too."

I pull her closer over the table. Our lips touch. It feels like sparks are flying in every direction. It is a small yet warm kiss. I honestly never knew a kiss so innocent could be so intimate and electrifying. Our lips are moving in perfect sync, this kiss is deeper, more passionate. She makes me feel like nothing else but this moment matters. A smile grows on my face as we finally pull apart.

"For a soldier that has had no girlfriends, you sure know how to kiss."

"Hahaha for some old stubborn girl you sure know how to let loose."

"Be careful soldier, just now you fall in love with me."

I think she might just be right, I can see myself falling for a girl that's not going to want me when she sees the real me.

We have the best time that I have had in a while. She makes me forget about all my problems, all my fears, she is simply an amazing woman.

"Guess we better head on back soldier before lunch turns into dinner too."

"Maybe I want to keep you for myself a bit longer."

"Maybe we can go do it at that whore house of mine."

"Hahaha just as long as you don't spank me."

"Now that is a dream I can have tonight."

"Believe me I'd prefer that one too."

We slowly make our way back to her place. My leg is hurting like a bitch but I put on a brave face and push ahead. I can almost see it's bruised and bleeding.

We get back to her place. We are standing in the kitchen while she is making coffee. She slowly walks on over to where I stand.

"Do you know what soldier?"

She slowly starts unbuttoning my shirt.

"They say that soldiers have the best sixpacks in the world."

"Hahaha, I think you just made that up."

She continues to unbutton my shirt.

"So take this off and prove me wrong."

She slips my shirt off and it drops to the floor.

"Mmmm this is damn hot."

She pulls at the buckle of my belt.

My body freezes...

"I think I must go."

I put my shirt on and head out the door.

"Fuck!"

I shout as I walk down the path. When I get home I go straight to my room and drop down on the bed. Tears start building up in my eyes.

I slowly pull my pants up and look at my leg. It is bruised and bleeding. To think that she nearly saw this bruised and broken man.

Fear has broken me into tiny uncountable pieces, shattered me like the worst ever disaster, ruined me in the cruelest way, and killed my soul brutally like there is no tomorrow. I fear to love, I want to love but I fear to be loved, to be accepted for who I am.

Love is supposed to accept all but does it truly accept all thing that is broken Isabella wanted me in all the ways I want her to have me, I wanted to feel a woman, touch a woman and be with a woman the way that a man should be but I could not.

She might be what I want but I am not what she needs.

I have just woken up from that neverending dream that torments my sleep every night. My phone has been buzzing, as I reach on over to look, I can see it is Isabella.

"Is it something I did? Did I do something wrong? Please tell me why you left."

Just as I am about to put my phone down, it lights up again. It is Isabella.

"Come on soldier, you are killing me. What is going on?"

I put my phone back down without replying to her. How do I even explain to her how I feel, I am crazy for her, she gives me those butterflies that flutter in your stomach, she makes me finish my sentences the wrong way around, she is like a breath of fresh air after the rain. But I can't have her, so why should I tell her how I feel.

I decide to get my ass out of bed and have a shower. Just as I get up to go to the bathroom, there is a knock from my mother on the door."

"Clay. Clay are you awake?"

She does not wait for me to answer before she comes into my room. I am standing in my boxers, on my one leg leaning against the wall, watching the entire moment unravel.

"OH GOD CLAY NO WHAT HAPPENED?"

She runs towards me and grabs me by my shoulders, tears are streaming down her face. I can hear her voice tremble as she tries to speak. Her body shakes as tears continue to roll down her cheeks.

"Clay, what happened?"

I just stand there leaning against the wall, my fears are starting to come to surface. I can see the look in my own mother's eyes as she is staring at my amputated leg.

"God Clay please answer me. What happened?"

"I do not answer her, I don't know what to say, nothing I will say to her will make this better for either one of us.

"Clay please talk to me?"

I take a deep breath and hop my way back to bed. I can see the horror in her eyes as she watches me. This is my mother, if she acts like this, how will Isabella take it.

Finally, I speak.

"We went out on a routine patrol when we came under attack from a group of militia that moved into town the previous night. We could not fall back so we had to go through town. The road we went down was not swept for mines yet. Our patrol vehicle hit a mine, it messed up the front pretty bad and my leg got crushed between the seat and front panel."

I watch her before she speaks.

"But could they not...could they not save your leg?"

"No mom, it was pretty messed up as well."

"But why...why did you not tell us?"

"Because I knew how you were going to act and what dad was going to say."

"When did it happen?"

"My last deployment, three months ago."

I watch as she crumbles to pieces, she grabs me in her arms and hugs me like there is not shit for tomorrow. She cries, no not cry, she whales, it is the worst sound I have heard in months, I thought a soldier that is close to dying sounded bad, it is nothing close compared to my mother's crying.

"We must tell your dad."

"Not now mom, I am not ready. You know what he is going to say."

"What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know mom that is why I am here, so I can figure things out."

"But can't you go back to the core, get like a desk job or something?"

"If I can't do what I love then I don't want to do it."

"Oh Clay, I am so sorry."

We sit there for another few minutes and talk, after she leaves, I make sure to lock the door before I head to the shower.

As I hop out to dry and get dressed, my phone buzzes again. It is Isabella.

"Seriously are you going to be that type of man? You don't kiss a girl like that and then go all dead on me."

I so want to reply to her but I just can't, I know that the longer I spend time with her, the more I am going to fall and I am going to fall hard for her. And soon I am going to want her in ways which I can't, not that I can't perform, cause, believe me, I can, I can't let her see me like this.

I spend another hour in my room before I finally make my way out to the kitchen to grab some muchneeded coffee. My dad and Matt are bickering as per usual.

"I am telling you, Matt, you won't go wrong if you go into medicine."

"And I am telling you dad that it is not going to happen."

"Well, what do you intend on doing with your life?"

"Dad it is my life, I will decide what I want to do with it when I am ready."

I think it is time for me to step in for I can see Matt getting frustrated.

"It feels like I heard this conversation yesterday already."

"It is because he has this conversation every day. Wait until he starts with you."

"Well dad will be getting the same answer from me and no I am not going into medicine. The closest I am getting to medicine is the painkillers that I will be taking for this damn headache I have had all morning."

My mom offers to go get me something from our medicine cabinet.

"Wait let me go grab something for you Clay"

She knows that I am referring to my leg. It is bruised up bad from all the walking of the past two days.

"I get the painkillers from her with a cup of coffee and head into the lounge where Matt is now sitting and watching some crime series. This is so going to grind my father's ass, his two useless sons sitting and vegetating in front of the television.

My phone buzzes again. It is Isabella.

"Okay soldier if you ain't coming to me then I am coming to you."

Well, that made no sense at all, that is at least what I think until someone is buzzing at the front door.

"Don't everybody get up all at once," Matt says as he gets up. "I will do ya all a favor and grab it."

I only but laugh at him "Look at Matty boy being so all considerate."

"If it is a hot chick then Matty boy keeps her."

"I think you have run out of girls to keep."

"Ya ya we will see, there is always a new girl in town."

Sometimes I do wonder about the boy, I mean, we can't be any more different than an apple and an orange. Who is the apple and who is the orange is left to be seen?

I hear him hollering some shit from the front door but I do not pay much attention.

"Are you deaf?" He slaps me against the head.

"Are you stupid?" I slap him in return.

"You not supposed to slap me back."

"You not supposed to slap me in the first place. Who was at the door?"

"Your girlfriend."

"I don't have a girlfriend."

"Yes you do, the girl that you were snogging at the coffee shop yesterday."

"How do you know...oh yes I forget, old Betty? So who was really at the door?"

"Me soldier"

My jaw drops to the floor and every moving muscle goes stiff.

"Isabella."

"Yes, that is me, well when I checked this morning it was."

"What are you doing here?"

"Coming to check why my soldier has gone AWOL."

"Keep those paws to yourself bro," I warn him playfully even though every bone in my body means it.

"I got a girl but if you don't want this one I can always make a plan."

"There is a bit smile that appears on Isabella's face. "Let's guess he is one of those guys spanking girls in my house."

"Hahaha, you dead right there."

"Says him, I can tell you quite a few stories about this boy." Matt starts off as he is ready to begin.

"Stories you will keep to yourself if you don't want your face broken."

"Why don't you go grab me some coffee soldier," Isabella says. "Matty can tell me all about them."

"Taking charge again I see. Grab a chair, I will be back in a second."

Now I have a stupid damn ass smile on my face. Why did she have to come show up here all good looking like that, the woman has got my blood boiling now. The minute Matt disappears I am so all over her.

I get her a cup from the fresh pot of coffee, check my hair in the reflection of the oven, and make my way back to the lounge. Her clever ass made sure to sit on the seat right next to me, fuck I just hope she does not try and touch me.

"So is this what you boys do all day?"

"This and argue with our father." Matt jokingly says.

"You argue, I just listen," I add.

Then completely of topic, Isabella turns to me. "Maybe I should have phoned you then cause there sure as hell is something wrong with your fingers."

"Maybe I was busy."

"Matt!"

"What? I don't know which hand you type with? What the fuck were you thinking?"

"You better start running because I am going to smack your wise ass."

"Now that you remind me, I need to get running, Elle is waiting for me. You two love birds can be alone."

Before I can even try and stop him, he is out the front door leaving me and Isabelle alone.

What do I do now, I mean I know what I want to do but I know she is going to want an explanation for what happened yesterday. So what do I do, the best thing a soldier can do, create a diversion?

Forget what you think you know about love because it is not real. To love you need to take that risk, you need to make that choice to fall. If you do not fall in love and experience that love, then it is not worth taking that risk at all. Falling is easy but love is hard. If love is hard, how easy would it take someone for what they are? To me, near impossible, I want to fall in love but I cannot give someone who I truly am. I would rather deal with my broken bones than a broken heart,

So Isabella loves taking charge, my successful attempts at ignoring her has blown up in my face, she has shown me that she is one over me, if I do not respond to her, she responds to me.

"Why have you been ignoring me, soldier?"

"I...I have been busy."

"Busy slapping your brother against the head busy?"

"No busy with other things busy."

"Like other things like ignoring me busy?"

"I...I did...I just."

She looks at me, tapping her finger on her chin, patiently waiting for me to spit the crap out that is about to come out of my mouth.

"I...I was..."

Just screw this!

I wrap my hand around the nape of her neck and pull her closer to my lips.

"What are you doing soldier?"

"Avoiding your questions Miss Stubborn."

My lips brush against hers, innocent and like a tease but it's not innocence that I want, I want fire and passion. I want to lose myself in her and in this moment. She pulls away, leaving our lips just inches away from touching."

"Soldier," she whispers my name.

"Isabella" I smile, prolonging each letter as if to savor them.

My heart flutters as she clasps her hands on either side of my face. Never before has any woman made me feel so good. I pull her body into mine and cover her mouth in a hungry kiss. As our lips crush together, it feels like I am walking on air, the way her lips fit perfectly with mine. Her mouth is so warm, the caress of her lips is soft, and she tastes better than I can remember. Desire and lust fill me, I open my mouth with a low moan.

"You are forgiven...for now," she whispers in my ear.

"If it was not for your mom standing there I would have definitely dropped those pants this time."

I am shocked to my senses. As I look at the entrance of the lounge, my mother, with the most sinister smile on her face, is standing and watching us.

"MOM! How long have you been standing there?"

"Oh me? I just got here. I wanted to come to check who is at the door."

"It's Isabella, the girl that lives up the mountain."

I know at this point that her curiosity has gotten the most of her, there is no way I can even try to tell her to leave us alone. Definitely not after our little display of affection, thank god Isabella spoke when she did because my hands were very near to start and wonder.

"OH HI, Isabella, I am Denice."

"Hi Denice, it's nice to meet you, soldier here talks a lot of you."

"Soldier?" my mom asks slightly confused.

"Isabella likes calling me soldier mom, I think it is because she has forgotten my name."

"HAHAHA," Isabella burst out laughing. "I still know who you are Clayton Jackson."

"Mmmm you going for the full name, normally I only get called Clayton when I messed something up."

"Well don't think that I have not forgotten you running out on me last night."

My mom sits analyzing the conversation not knowing if she should stay or should she rather go but I am pretty sure she has a good idea what Isabella is referring to. I watch her very carefully as she speaks.

"Sorry Isabella, that was my fault, he had to come to help me with packing up his room. Seeing that he is staying, we had to pack up his old stuff."

"I am sure he will make it up to me, won't you soldier?"

"I...uhm...I...I.." I stuttering like an idiot.

My mother jumps in again and it seems that she has a sneakishly brilliant idea, I just know that I am not going to like it. You never let your mom and your girlfriend talk, there is just something that does not sit well putting them both together. Now if you want all your embarrassing secrets out, you ask my mom and of course old Betty, and believe me, I prefer Betty's secrets and not my mom's

"Isabella," my mom speaks as a wicked smile forms at the corner of her mouth. "Have you seen his photos from the core yet? I see he has been hiding them away from me in his room."

"MOM! What are you scratching for in my stuff?"

"It was just standing there, I could not help myself."

"Just standing there does not mean you must climb into it. I was still checking which photos you can take."

"Well it is too late, I have already decided which ones I want to take."

"Bet it is all the ones I did not want you to have. And I swear if any of them lands up with old Betty!"

"Why Clay, I would never do something to you like that to you or your brother?"

"Yes, mom I believe you just as much as I believe that Matt does not have another girlfriend."

"Oh he does, I saw the two of them yesterday. Well, Betty saw them, not me, but she told me."

"Oh my god, what is wrong with this family. Nevermind us but with Betty?"

"Agh stop being so dramatic soldier, let me see those photos." Isabella excitedly says.

"Scoot up so I can sit next to you." My mom comes to wiggle herself between us as she sits down.

I only but look at the two of them and their eager smiles on their faces. "I am going to regret this"

She starts flipping through the ones they took the day I left to join the core. That was an amazing day, well for me at least, my mom could not stop crying and dad, just could not stop cursing. It was by far the happiest day of my life.

"Ahhh soldier you look so cute," Isabella says as she takes the photo from my mom.

"That is when he still had hair."

"Mom don't you dare!"

"But son, all soldiers lose their hair."

"Yes and not all soldiers like being seen without it!"

And like I can really stop her, she is already flashing the worst possible one she can find in front of Isabella's face were I believe, which other's will argue, is the photo where I almost have no hair at all

"Sorry soldier but that is near damn ugly."

"And there I thought you liked me for who I am and not my looks."

"I am an all looks kind of girl."

I just look at her as I think to myself (Well honey wait until you see my leg then, your all look kind of girl ass is going to be out the door.)

"I think it makes you look like a real man." My mom adds.

"Mom since when does a haircut make a man? I would like to believe I became a real man when I left for the core."

"You are a real man my son, I just wish sometimes that you did not have to grow up so fast."

She starts flipping through the photos again when all of a sudden Isabella shouts.

"STOP! I want to see that one."

Pointing to a photo my mom was just about to pass. A photo that the platoon leader took of me shirtless after a morning jog.

"Damn Denice, you surely know how to make your boys. Just look at those muscles. I am pretty sure you can melt butter on that chest."

"Isabella! You cannot say something like that to my old mother, you will give her a heart attack."

"Believe me heart attack is what I felt the first time that I saw it."

I almost near damn joke at my mother's next words. "Isabella I am sure your fingers can get lost in that curves."

"Mother! It's my stomach you are referring to! Can we please move on!"

Next, we just flip through a whole bunch of them showing me in uniform at base and on deployment. Most of the photos are of me and all my core buddies just messing around with a few serious ones. Until at last the torture is done or so I think...

"Wait!" she stops my mom again. "What is that one?"

(Fuck fuckedy fuck.)

Isabella is pointing to a photo, one of the very last photos that my core buddies took of me. A photo where I am laying in bed where you can see my amputated leg wrapped up in bandage underneath the blankets."

"Shit soldier. Did you get hurt down there?"

I look at my mother that is sitting next to her in absolute horror, the color has drained from my face as I look for the answer in my mother's eyes. She has saved me up until so far, can she save me again. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"Just a few broken bones, nothing major serious."

"Is that the leg you walk with so funny," she asks. "Did those bones not healed back the way they should of?"

"You know our soldiers, I did not stay off the leg when I was supposed to."

"At least you came back in one piece soldier that is all that matters."

"I guess it is."

"Well, that is enough of that then." My mom says as she gets off the couch. "Can I get you, kids, something from the kitchen?"

"Just a coffee if you making mom. It feels I can do with something strong at the moment."

"That would be nice, a coffee for me too Denice."

Isabella turns to me with that beautiful smile of hers. There is something on her mind, by the look in her deep brown eyes, it must be something important.

"Soldier, I never asked you why you got your bus ticket back home."

Don't just break your walls down to let someone in, make them work for it, make them show that they are worth it. Wait for that one that is willing to climb your walls just to find you that will break them down just to get to you. The one that is looking for you, all that you are in body, mind, and soul. The worst reason to break down your walls is just for the physical, let love in before giving that part that you are not willing to expose.

I have done my very best to ignore Isabella again. It's day count two, I answer her briefly when I think it warrants. Yes, I am the dumb ass that starts it and when it comes to pulling through, I do my famous now you see me and now you don't hear from my act. The damn woman is fine and god knows I want her, not only physically but on a much deeper level than that, I just wish I can get past that part that is in the way...my leg.

I am sitting in the lounge with Matt and his new girlfriend when my phone rings.

It is Isabella.

"Stop ignoring the woman and answer the damn phone," Matt says with a hint of irritation in his voice. "You should have figured by now that she is not going to go away."

"I can't and you know it."

"Bro she likes you for you, not your damn leg."

"Matt! Watch your mouth. She does not know. And anyway she likes the full version of a person that is me, well that she thinks is me."

"Bro, I just wish you will out with it. You know that the old man is going to blow a valve when he finally finds out. I don't think Isabella will even think near the same."

My phone buzzes.

It's Isabella.

"I am starting to feel like a stalker bitch soldier, throw a girl some rope here."

"HAHAHA. Are you drowning girl?"

"Aha, he is alive! You're a sight for sore words. I am missing you over here in my whore house."

"Are you dreaming of spanking again?"

"Only of you my soldier. When am I going to see your sweet ass again, well I still need to see it and oh boy can't I wait to see it, I mean when can a girl see her man?"

"Mmmm your man? Now that I like the sound of. When did I become your man?"

"Since you have been feeding me all those honey kisses which by the way I am out of. I need some more like yesterday already!"

"Hahaha you will give a guy some serious big head here"

"HAHAHA, soldier get your ass here! There is some real head I would like to give you."

"What about me and Matty and his new attachment come for dinner?"

"As long as it brings me you then I am up for it."

"Perfect, this sweet ass will be coming up in an hour."

"I will crack out one of my finest whips just for you."

"Hahaha see you later my boo."

I wish I knew what I am doing, I mean I want to see her, yes, but I know I am going to push her away as soon as it gets too serious, I guess that is why I am taking Matt with. Maybe I should just stick my pride and tell her about it. Let's wait and see what happens tonight."

"Listen here dumb ass," I turn to look at Matt. "Whatever you had planned for this evening has just been canceled."

"Are you throwing me and my girl out the lounge for Isabella for Isabella?"

"No, you and..." I turn to the girl sitting next to Matt. "Sorry girl but I don't think I caught your name."

"It is Chloe."

I turn back to face Matt again. "You and Chloe are coming for dinner at Isabella."

"Are you perhaps trying to not be alone with her?"

"I am trying to avoid a situation where I need to lie to her or push her away again."

"Well," Chloe says. "I need to go home and change then and grab a few bottles of wine. Do you want to come with Matty? My parents aren't at home."

"Fuck girl," Matt excitedly says. "Only if you let me take them off with my teeth this time."

I listen in horror to the words coming out of his mouth. "Fuck man, that is not what I wanted to think about now, I hardly know the girl and now I got an image of her in my head with just her panties on."

"Damn bro, who said I was talking about her panties? You seriously need to get laid."

"Just get your ass out here and be there at seven, I will have your balls to the cat if you are late."

"Yup you need to get laid."

Matt and Chloe are out the door to her place so she can go change while I head upstairs to go do the same. I bump into my mother just as I am about to enter my room.

"Are you guys going over to Isabella tonight?"

"Mom, are you listening to our conversation again?"

"Your dad is annoying me, so I ignore whatever he says."

"Is he commentating on the story he is watching again?"

"I don't know why he watches it if he thinks he knows more than the presenter. It drives the shit out of me."

"I would invite you with to Isabella."

"Please no. I see enough of your brother's face down every girl in town's throat, I don't want to see yours too."

"Mom my face is not going to be down Isabella's throat."

"Oh my son, every time she is going to try touch that leg or talk about the core, it is definitely going to be down her throat."

"Mom I am just not ready yet."

"I understand, I really do. Now go have fun before the old man comes with his shit."

I head into my room and lock the door behind me so that I can change.

It takes me several attempts later and a very chaotic room full of clothes and I am finally ready to head off to Isabella."

I bump into my mom again as I leave through the back door.

"Good luck Clay."

"Thanks, mom, I think we are going to be home quite late, Matt's girl is whipping out the wine."

"Just be careful down here that late at night."

"Will do mom, love you."

I give her a kiss on the cheek and start heading up the road.

With every step that I take, it feels like my heart is getting smaller and smaller from the suffocating feeling I feel surrounding it. What the hell is wrong with me, it's only a girl, a girl I feel that I am about to die over. I have never felt so anxious in my life before, this is a good anxious but also a good scary one. She is worth every scary moment I feel but is she worth letting that wall down tonight.

As I get closer to her house, I see her sitting outside on the deck with a glass of wine in her hand. She is breathtaking, watching her brings a smile to my heart, god I wish, I wish so many things that I would want to do to her. The thing is, I have not even tried being with a woman with my leg like this. I mean, do you take it off or do you leave it on when you do it? And what can I do, is there like only certain positions that we can do, how do you even begin to have sex like this.

I clear my head and make my way up to her.

"Evening Miss Stubborn."

"Evening my soldier."

"You look amazing."

"Not half as amazing as what you make me feel now that I see you."

I take her glass of wine from her hands and put it on the table. I pull her into my embrace and deep into my chest.

"There is that rippled stomach that I have missed." She says as she runs her fingers over every inched of my rippled abs.

"I think you are confusing my muscles with my lips."

"Mmmmm there is that too."

My hands drift to her hips and I pull her closer. Slowly I press my lips against hers. Her plump, velvety lips against my slimmer, warm ones, dancing around and bonding together. My insistent mouth is parting her trembling lips, sending wild tremors through my body, and inflicting sensations I have never known I had. No one has ever kissed me like this, she is waking a feeling and slowly crumbling that wall.

"Mmmmm keep doing that and we sending your brother home."

"Talk about Matt, he is late."

"Early bro." Matt and Chloe come walking out of the house.

"We got here before you." Chloe hands me a glass of wine

"Glad we did cause by the looks of that you would be having each other for dinner," Matt says with a slightly amused smile on his face.

I reach over and slap him behind the head.

"Says Mister Casanova himself. You were probably trying to suck out her third lung inside the kitchen there."

He slaps me behind the head.

"Duh bro, you only have two lungs."

I slap him behind the head.

"I am sure Chloe has none left."

He slaps me behind the head.

"Are you boys going to slap each other the whole night like that?" Isabella asks as she watching the ping pong match of slapping heads. "I can always bring out that whip."

"Boo, I thought you keeping that for us for later? I wink at her and smile.

"Hahaha be careful what you wish for soldier."

Matt goes to feed wood to a big bonfire he is building, while the girls go inside to grab snacks and a full bottle of wine. "Just so you know for you f.y.i this girl is crazy about you bro."

"Why, did she say something?"

"He asked if you did not like her cause you keep pushing her away. Told her she must be patient, the core fucked you up."

"Geez I don't know if I should say thank you, but you right, the core did fuck me up for this woman."

"Bro the worst the girl can do is tell you to fuck off. Now just give her a chance maybe she won't."

"Matt, I hope you are right, she makes me feel things, you know things deep down inside that stir every string of your heart."

"Bro I think you call that being in love."

Just then the girls come back outside, we all cuddle up around the fire. Isabella is sitting on my lefthand side with her fingers interlocked in my hands. Her head is resting on my shoulder, the sweet scent of her almost feel her heart beating through her ears. Her touch and smell is overwhelming every feeling I feel inside. I gently take her hand and lay it on my leg.

"Is this the one that was broken?"

"No this is the better one of them."

"Was it sore?"

"Was what sore?"

"When you broke your leg?"

"Bella, boo, I never had so much pain in my life before, I thought I would die."

"Is that why you don't want to let me touch or talk about it?"

"There is a lot more to that story my boo."

"Are you going to tell me one day or are you going to keep on pushing me away?"

"You know how it is to be with a soldier."

"Yes, maybe I should call you Mr. Stubborn then."

If I have not said this before, I am saying this again. Life is made up of a series of defining moments, most of them determined by you but a few some by others. How I choose next will define what my relationship with Isabella will become.

"So what do you say, soldier? Will you spend the night with me?"

"I...uhm...I..."

She asked me to spend the night, not have sex, it does not mean that if that is the only thing I have on my mind right now that she has. She wants to share a bed with me, to sleep, well that is what I think. What the hell does spend the night mean these days?

"I promise I don't bite, well only if you don't want me too."

"If you allow me to bite back then I will definitely stay with you."

"You can do anything you want to me, soldier."

"You say anything?"

I lean down and softly kiss the tender area at the base of her neck.

"Mmmmm carry on doing that and I am definitely chasing your brother away."

"Can you keep that mouth still for one second so I can kiss those lips?"

"And if I don't?"

"Well, then I am just going to have to pin you down to that chair."

"Start pinning soldier boy because I ain't zipping them."

"Hahaha, I am not that easy my boo."

She leans her head closer to me and her lips meet mine. The touch is passionate and filled with hunger. There is a fire rushing through my veins.

"Mmmm you taste so sweet, I need more of that."

She runs her hand down my chest, tangling her fingers in my shirt's buttons.

"And I need more of this."

"Hahaha, you need more of my clothes?"

She bites at my lower lip.

"I want what is underneath this shirt."

"If you keep on biting like that you might just get it."

"I thought you were going to bite back?."

"Who said I was going to bite your lips."

"Hahaha, are you having dirty thoughts there soldier?"

"I was talking about your neck, what are you thinking about my boo?"

I pull her hair to the side to expose the bare of her neck, gently I lay soft kisses up and down. The fire that is burning between our bodies is twisting and turning, ready to explode."

Just as I start working my way back up to her tender smooth lips, Matt interrupts

"Hey lovebirds, me and Chloe are going to head on out, she is not feeling so well."

"Sure man, let me walk you out." Before he can even protest, I am up and ready to see him at the door.

"Chloe my ass is sick," I just look at him, knowing what stunt he is trying to pull. "Why don't you guys just stay here?"

"So you can have an excuse not to finish what you are starting there."

"I am not starting anything."

"Ya right you are only about to devour her like an animal there."

"She is goddamn gorgeous, how can I not want to."

"Bro don't overthink the shit, just see how far you are willing to take it."

"Hahaha if you see me with a shiner then you know how far it went."

"Hey, she might even surprise you. Now get back there before she gets cold."

"Fuck man, you make her sound like a piece of meat."

"Bro just get your dumb ass back there. I will see you in the morning."

I show both of them out and make my way back to Isabella. That calm carefree me of before is now completely gone, once again I am terrified to be alone with her.

As I turn the corner by the deck, she is sitting there as beautiful as ever.

"Do you want more wine soldier?"

"Please boo, let me go grab a full bottle."

I make my way to the kitchen, I know what I am doing and I better stop it, it is not like I can come to the kitchen every half hour now can I. Trust me I swear I will find something else to do. Maybe I should just go home. Second thought, maybe she does not want more and I am just overthinking shit as Matt said.

I get a bottle of red from the counter and make my way back to the deck. Before I sit down again, I pour us both a full glass.

"Shame I hope Chloe feels alright."

"Com one boo, do you really think she is sick? As far as I know, her parents are away for the weekend."

"Hahaha look at me being a dumb bimbo."

"Hahaha, you said that not me."

"Hey, you better watch out soldier."

"Or what?."

She puts her glass down on the table, my body freezes.

"Or this."

Our lips crash together like colliding stars. Everything around us fades away, the only thing that exists is the passion and the spark between us. My hand moves to the back of her head and my fingers tangle in her thick brown hair, pulling her even closer. I press my tongue to the seam of her lips and delve inside her mouth.

"Mmmm you have never kissed me like this before." She says as a small moan escapes from her lips.

"Do you want me to stop?"

She does not answer, she goes to work at the buttons of my shirt. Undoing them slowly, one by one, until she has me fully exposed. Her hands work their way around my body, feeling each crevasse, each line along my perfect chest. She runs her hand down to the lining of my denim and slides it between the fabric and my skin. My entire body stiffens.

"I..I...hold that thought, I need to go to the bathroom."

"Fuck soldier, you have the worst timing in the world."

I rush off my chair and go to the bathroom. Fuck! What is wrong with me, I have the most gorgeous woman in the world all over me and I keep on running away.

I drop my pants to the floor and sit on the side of the bath. I need to see how bad my leg is still bruised from the other day and if I want her to see it. I relax my leg and press the depress release button on the top part of my prosthesis. Gently and slowly I move the prosthesis just a little from the remaining part of my leg and release the button. I proceed to slowly pull the prosthetic socket from my leg. The bruising has gone down a bit but do I still want her to see it.

I put my leg back on and join up with her at the deck again.

"I almost thought you went all missing on me there again soldier."

"Hahaha, you missing me that much already."

"Come here so I can show you how much I have really missed you."

She pulls my closer by my belt and presses her lips against my rippled stomach. I gasp and a deep moan escapes my lips.

"Mmmm that feels amazing boo."

She runs her hand over the bulge that is forming in my pants.

"Oh god, Isabella!"

Is the only words I can get out before she massages me in the palm of her hand.

"Fück Isabella."

She continues to rub my ever so growing erection. I am throbbing and ready to explode.

"Boo if you keep doing that then I am going to explode."

"But that is the whole point soldier."

"Fuck I don't even think I will last for a minute."

How do I give her what she wants without having to bare myself nude in front of her, I am not ready, not today, maybe tomorrow or the day after but not today?

I lift her up from the chair around the waist and slide her ass onto the cold table. She screams at the touch. "Damn that is freezing. I knew I should not have worn a skirt."

"But then I could not have done this."

I slide my hand up her thighs and knot my fingers in the elastic of her panties. I slowly start pulling them down her legs.

"What are you doing soldier,"

"Sshh. Do you want me to stop?"

"Mmmm please don't."

She raises her knees as I pull her panties over and toss them to the side.

She works at the buckle of my pants but I push her body down onto the table and pin her down by her hands. I look at her halfnaked body that is glowing in the light of the moon. I have not had a woman for as long as I can remember and I want her now.

"Isabella, I want you, I don't think I can keep it in anymore."

"Soldier, I have wanted you since the very first day we met."

"Fuck boo."

I start to unbuckle my belt and drop my pants just enough not to see my prosthetic leg.

Then before I knowhow, our naked skin is moving softly together and I am inside of her. She arches her back, I grab her by the waist and I plunge into her. She screams and grabs the edges of the table. I slow down and our tongues entwine in a kiss. In seconds I am thrusting and fucking her again.

"Ohhh soldier that feels so good."

"Do you want me to go faster boo?"

"Mmmm yes go faster."

She gyrates in slow insistent circles, I rock with every thrust. Our bodies are bucking and arching and colliding in almost perfect rhythm.

"Fuk Isabella you feel so good."

"Mmmm go harder soldier."

I keep up the rhythm relentlessly. With each stroke, I slide my hot throbbing flesh completely into her. I drive in deeper, with each thrust increasing pace.

"Boo I am not going to last for much longer."

I can no longer resist the increasing pressure. It's hard to hold back, to make the moment last. I am so caught between the intoxication of the climax and extending a moment, I never want it to end.

I let out a deep growl as I find my release. With one final thrust, my body shudders, and I explode inside of her. In that split second every nerve in my body is electrified.

My body falls down panting until we both catch our breaths

Once I have regained my balance, I quickly pull up my pants before she gets off the table.

Wow, soldier where did you learn that?"

"Hahaha, definitely not at the Corps."

"Did not take you for the table kind of guy."

"Hey a man had to improvise, did not think I would make it to the bedroom."

"Hahaha, we are going to have to go to the bedroom sooner or later."

And that poses a whole new problem. I cannot sleep with my prosthesis. I might have avoided the sex part but how do I get past this one.

They say that broken people give broken love. But are all people not broken in some way, it just depends how well you sow yourself up at the start of each day.

I am not ready to show Isabella how broken I really am but I also do not want to mess up this good thing that we have.

I have one of two choices, I walk out and this ends here or I stay and might not be able to walk for the next few days. The last time I slept with my prosthetic leg on, I hurt my stump and could only use my crutches for those next couple of days. And that poses a completely new problem as I do not have crutches here. Yes, I am so over thinking this but all decisions come with consequences.

"Boo."

"Yes, soldier?"

"Come here."

I pull her closer.

"Yes, soldier?"

"I just wanted to taste your sweet lips."

"You starting something again?"

"Sshhh. Just kiss me.

She lifts herself up on her toes, and my face goes down to hers. I kiss her. The kiss speaks. It begs. It wants, it wants more than I am willing to give. Her fingers grip my hair, pulling me closer. My veins throb and my heart explode. I have never wanted anyone as much as I want her. She plays with the stubble on my face. Her touch feels warm and soft. My hands are everywhere, I want her closer and closer. I want to breathe her, taste her, touch her, I want her to consume my senses.

"Do you want to go to bed," I ask quite nervously for I have no idea what I am going to do now? "I think it's something past midnight."

"I got some sweats from my husband that should fit you."

"How can I say no to that?"

"Hahaha ok, that sounds bad unless you want to wear mine."

"As much as I am tempted to slip on your pink sweats, I am sadly going to have to pass."

This could just work. She disappears off to the guest room and comes back with a pair of grey sweats.

I quickly head off to the bathroom while she goes into her bedroom.

"Are you scared to change in front of me, soldier?"

"Can't let you feel and see it all on one day now can I."

"What? You telling me I have to work for it?"

"Boo this is all yours if you want it, you ain't going to work for anything."

I slowly walk up to her and pull her closer and wrap her in my arms. With her, in my embrace, it is as if the world has stopped still. There is no time. My mind is at peace. How could it be that I have not noticed this before? She is pure, unselfish, and undemanding. This is what I have waited for. A woman like this is to be cherished for life. Finally, I feel like I am at home

"Boo."

"Yes, my soldier?"

"There is something we need to talk about."

"Fuck, am I pregnant?"

"Hahaha, I somehow think that would be far better news than this."

"What is the matter then?"

"Would you like me if I was any less of a man than you think I am?"

"How can you possibly be any less of a man?"

"Just humor me. What if I am not all than what I seem to be?"

"I don't understand you soldier?"

"What if my body does not work all the ways it should be?"

"Trust me your body works perfectly fine."

"Hahaha trust you to see the silver lining to something you don't even know about yet."

"Soldier, I know where you came from, I know that your mind might be a bit broken and that does all."

I can't do this. My mind is the last thing she needs to worry about but then again the nightmares show that maybe that is also not quite all there as well.

"Do you get nightmares at night?" she asks me as I can see the clear concern in her eyes.

"Whenever I close my eyes, it's the same thing over and over again."

"Mark also used to have those, he used to scream himself awake at night. He used to go sleep in the guest room just so he won't wake me up."

"Boo, what happened to him?"

"Their Humvee he was traveling in hit a mine, he was blown to shit. They sent what was left of him home in a body bag just big enough for a child."

"God Isabella, I am so sorry."

I wrap my arms around her and stroke her long brown hair. She buries her face into the crook of my neck and we stand like this for a while, she cries and my heart aches for her. I don't want her to hurt. It feels as if when she is in my arms all her pain will go away. If we could only stay in each other's arms forever, we will be safe from the world.

"Come boo, let's go to bed."

I lay down next to her on the bed, laying on my righthand side, keeping my leg away from her. I fall asleep with her wrapped close to me. For some reason tonight, with her in my arms, my sleep is not riddled with nightmares.

Morning comes too soon. When I open my eyes, she is not next to me. I get up to go find her but I am rocked to my core with incredible pain.

"AAHHH FUCK!"

She comes rushing into the room.

"Are you okay soldier?"

"Yes, I think I must have hurt my back sleeping funny."

"Shit, I don't even have painkillers."

"It's fine boo, I will get some from home."

I try to get up but the pain shoots straight through my stump.

"FUCK!"

"Please tell me what I can do? What must I do?"

"I'm fine boo, I just need to get home."

I try standing up again.

"GODDAMMIT!"

"Must I phone Matt?"

"Please boo, ask him to bring the car."

She rushes to go find my phone. I muster all my strength and bite on my lip as I walk the way to the lounge.

"FUCK!"

"He is on his way soldier, just hang in there."

"Please come here boo."

She moves closer to me.

"Thank you."

"For what soldier?"

"For being you."

I gently lean in and give her a kiss on her warm soft lips. It is slow, soft, and comforting. My hand rests below her ear, my thumb caresses her cheek as our breaths mingle. She runs her fingers down my spine, pulling me closer until there is no space left between us and I can feel the beating of her heart against my chest.

Then there is a knock on the door.

"Come in Matt"

Matt comes into the lounge

"Bro, what is wrong?"

"I messed up my back, I need to get my pills."

He knows full well that I am lying. But he helps me up and walks me to the car. I give Isabella a kiss before getting in.

"I will speak to you later boo."

"Please rest soldier, I will speak to you soon."

With that Matt pulls off and heads home.

"I take you did not tell her?" Matt asks with both concern and sadness in his eyes.

"Matty please do not grind my ass now, I just need to get home."

"Bro I am just worried about you, what happened?"

"I was laying on it the whole night. The pressure must have restricted my blood flow so it has swollen now and the damn friction has to cause fucking blisters."

"I see, you fucked yourself up because you were too proud to tell the girl you in love with."

"What did I say about grinding my ass?"

"Well the old man is on his own mission, I just hope he does not start his shit with you because you never went home last night."

"Fuck I forgot to send mom a message, she is going to kill me."

"Don't worry, I did. I knew you would be too busy scoring. I hope you damn well did, especially after fucking yourself up like this."

"Don't stress man that one was easier to get past than the sleeping bit."

"Damn dog."

"And no, you are not getting any details."

"Bro, I don't even think you lasted a minute."

"Your ass, I at least made it to five."

"Hahaha, it is still something I won't brag about."

We come to a stop in the driveway at home. I brace myself for the shit that is about to go down.

"Do you want me to help you?" Matt asks as he climbs out of the car.

"Nah, I think I will manage."

I get to climb out of the car.

"AAHHH FÜCK!"

"Bro let me help you."

"It's fine, I am taking it off."

I pull up my denim as far up as I can and take my buddy off. I can see the horror on Matt's face as he watches me do it. His expression is blank and his mouth is almost gaping."

"Can you help me now, I don't think I have the strength to hop it on my own."

He stands there wordless just staring at my leg.

"Matt!"

He does not move.

"Matt! It's just a damn leg. Please help me."

"Sorry bro, that shit is sick."

"Hahaha, what is going to be sick is if I smack you against your ass. Please help me before the old man comes."

But it's too late, mom comes rushing out the door. "Clay, baby, are you okay? Matt said you got hurt."

"Nice going Matt," I glare over to where Matt is standing next to me. "For someone that lies to woman all day long, you are sure a bad liar when it comes to mom."

"Clay, what can I do?" my mom asks concerned for she has no idea what to do. "Tell me what you need?"

"Mom let Matty just get me inside first."

And then all hell breaks loose. My dad comes storming outside in full force.

"What is the commotion outside here for? You boys don't come home then you come throw up noise so early in the morning."

"Oh Richard just keeps quiet," my mom snaps at him. "Clay is hurt, just keep your judgemental ass comments to yourself."

"What are you on again about Denice?"

"

My father comes around to where Matt is helping me out the car. "WHAT THE FÜCK!

I completely ignore him as he speaks. "Matt, mom, please just help me up."

"Clayton what happened to you?" he carries on. "FUCK I told you not to go to that place. What happened to you?"

"Dad, please, not now" I beg as another sharp pain stings through my leg.

"Don't not now me," he completely ignores my plea. "What the fuck happened to you. Why don't I know about this? Why does everyone else know and I don't? What the fuck is going on here?"

"Dad can we please talk after I have looked at my leg."

"NO! We are talking now! When did this happen? I told you so many times not to go and you did not want to listen, look now what has happened."

"Richard shut the fuck up and get out our way! NOW!"

"But Denice look at the child,"

"Yes Richard, look at the child, he is your son, and right now he needs to look at his leg and not listen to your shit. Now get out the way. Now!"

Matt and mom take me to my room and I sit down on the bed.

"What do I need to do Clay?" my mom asks as they sit me down on my bed.

"Mom just bring me some warm water and soap. I got some gauze and bandage in that bag."

"Where is your painkillers bro?" Matt asks.

"In the bathroom, thanks."

"Do you want water with that?" my dad surprisingly asks

"Yes please, dad."

Everyone goes their way to grab whatever it is that I need. If I did not insist on keeping it from my boo, I would not be sitting here in pain but hey, at least my dad knows now.

I have been out for nearly two days. I got an infection in the sores on my stump and the painkillers the doctor prescribed for the agonizing pain has had me knocked out sleeping most of the time.

I have not spoken to Isabella in these two days at all. I am sure she must be worried sick. I look for my phone on the side table but it is not there at all. I try to get up but my body is too weak.

"MATT!"

Matt comes rushing into my room, "Bro are you okay? What is the matter? Do you need anything?"

"Where is my phone? I need to speak to Isabella."

"It's in the lounge but bro there is a problem."

"What? Did she call? Did she tell me to leave her alone?"

"No bro, no nothing like that. The thing is, she was very worried about you."

"Matt what did you do?"

"Your phone was ringing the whole time and she was worried because you did not answer."

"Matt, what is going on? What is happening with Isabella?"

"Bro she is in the kitchen with mom. She has been here since early this morning."

"What!? Fuck! Does she know?"

"No, we just told her that you had hurt pretty badly and that the doc said you must stay in bed."

"I guess there is no running from it now. Has she seen my laying like this in bed?"

"No, she said she will wait for you to wake up. Must I call her for you?"

"Just help me up and give me that thick blanket so I can cover myself up."

Matt helps me to sit up straight and put the blanket over my leg, "Here you go. I will go call her now."

He leaves to go fetch Isabella. It feels like my whole world is crashing down around me into pieces. I can hardly breathe, my body is shaking and my mouth has gone dry. It feels like the pain in my stump is shooting straight to my heart.

Then there is a knock on my door. I can barely utter the words as I try to speak. "Come in."

She peaks her beautiful face around the door, "Hey my soldier boy."

"Hey, gorgeous boo."

"You mind if I come to sit with you a bit?"

"I would mind if you don't come here and give me a kiss."

"She moves slowly on over to my bed and gently sits down next to me, "I missed you, do you know that?"

"Sorry, I think I did kind of went all AWOL there."

"It is fine, your mom told me that you have been out for a bit but I am glad that you are back."

"Boo, you don't know how happy I am to see you here."

I wrap my arms around her shoulders and pulled her close. Despite the heaviness in my stomach, it flutters at the feeling of her body pressed against mine. Her touch makes everything better somehow. My lips seek hers and they lock in a passionate kiss. She tastes like vanilla and a slight hint of honey. I lose myself into her, the kiss turning into a deep desire and a burning hunger. I slowly pull away and rest my head against her forehead.

"Fuck boo, you have no idea how much I want you, but there is something we need to talk about."

"What's wrong soldier? Are you about to break this girl's heart?"

"Boo, I have a better chance of having my heartbroken."

"I will never break your heart, I am too in love with your sweet ass."

"God Isabella, you making it hard on this man."

"Come soldier, just tell me, we can get through it, it can't be that bad."

"I don't know the best way how to tell you this, I am just going to have to show or let you feel it for yourself."

"Mmm show or feel? This sounds interesting soldier. I will go for feel, I am an all handson girl."

"Can I just say one thing boo, that no matter what happens from here on, I have fallen just as hard in love with you? And I am sorry for lying and not letting you know sooner."

Before she can speak, I gently take her hand in mine, slowly moving the blankets away just a slight bit, I slip our hands underneath it. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, but not for long. Gently placing her hand at the top of my leg at my groin, I slowly start moving us down, watching her face with every inch we crawl. Just one more slight stretch...

"Soldier what are you doing?"

"Boo, ssshhh, just one more second."

Then...

We at the edge and I stop. Confusion sets in her face, I slowly run her fingers over the bottom of my stump. Her face lights up...

"Boo...?"

It turns from confusion to horror...

"Boo...?"

She holds her hand there, she does not move. I see her close her eyes and a tear roll down her cheek.

"Boo...?"

She looks at me and slowly moves the blankets down my leg revealing my entire eighteeninch stump. There is terror and fear mixed on her now pale face, her hand is slightly trembling as she pulls the blanket back up to my waist but she keeps her one hand firmly in place on my leg.

"Boo please say something."

Then she speaks, "What happened soldier?"

There is a pain in her eyes and I just know that I have just lost this girl.

"Boo..." I continue slowly and tell the same story I have told so many times over for this past week.

"Sort of like Mark but you just got home in one piece, well less a leg but still alive."

"Boo, I am so sorry."

"No soldier, I am sorry. How did I not feel this the other night?"

"Cause I got good at hiding things."

"Yes and now you are stuck in bed because you wanted to hide it from a girl, this girl. Soldier, I am not worth all that pain."

"But boo, you are, I have never been so happy in my life than I was with you for this past week."

"Soldier, you hardly know me, why would you want to cause yourself so much pain for a few days of happiness?"

"Look in the mirror Isabella and you will find the answer."

We sit in silence as the tears roll down our cheeks. This is so not how I imagined the day would be when I will tell the woman that I wanted to be my soulmate that I am in love with her. As hard as this is killing me, I need to let her go.

"Boo, you don't have to stay here, you can go."

"Are you sure soldier?"

"Yes boo, I think I am going to sleep."

I feel as she slowly slips her hand off my leg and gently places a kiss on my cheek. I look deep into her watery eyes and I just know that this is the last time I will be looking into them.

"Get rest soldier, I will speak to you later."

"Boo...?" I stop her before she can walk off.

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"For what soldier?

"Thank you for making this broken man happy."

"Soldier I will see you when you feeling better."

With that she is out the door and out of my life, I know that I won't be seeing her when I am better, I don't know if it is because I kept it from her or if I am a sore memory of what happened to her husband, I just know that I will never see her again.

I spent much of the rest of the day falling in and out of sleep, no nightmares of losing my leg haunting me but definite ones reminding me of what just walked out of my life.

The next morning I am wide awake early, strong enough to move around. I grab onto my new crutches as I hop on out of bed and make my way to the kitchen. For once, a very rare once, my father and Matt are not having a go at each other."

"Morning son," my father greets me with which sounds a heavy heart.

"Hey dad"

"Did you sleep okay bro?" Matt looks at me with a sad face.

"Why, did the yelling keep you up again?"

"Nah you were actually very quiet," Matt says.

I see a look of tenderness in my father's eyes as he reaches out to me, "Sit, let me grab you a coffee."

I signal for Matt to leave me and father alone.

"Listen, dad..."

"Clay," he immediately stops me from carrying on. "I understand, you don't have to apologize. I have been an asshole to both of you boys. You followed your dream and did your country proud and here I am bitching because you never became a doctor. I am proud of you son."

My dad pulls me into a big old man hug and I can feel his body shake as the tears stream from his eyes.

"Thank you, dad."

We both wipe our faces and sit back in our chairs.

"So where is this medal of yours?"

"Hahaha. I was waiting for that one."

I hop off my chair to go back to my room and fetch it for him. I pause for a brief second and look at my phone.

There is no messages from Isabella. I sort of knew there wouldn't but still, there was that little boy in me that is besotted in love that hopes there would. Would things have been different if I told her from the start, well I have learned very early on when this happened that you should not dwell on the ifs in life.

I make my way back where mom and Chloe have joined dad and Matt in the kitchen.

"Hey my son, are you feeling better today?"

"Much better mom, thanks for looking after my stupid grown ass."

Chloe looks a bit confused around but when she finally feels confident, she asks, "Can I be the only one that is going to point the obvious?"

"Yes babe," Matt smiles and winks at her. "We know, he is missing half a leg."

"Hahaha. It's more like twothirds man." I jokingly play along with them.

"Well," Chloe says. "I kind of think you look hot for a broken soldier and all."

Everyone burst out laughing but the tears are stinging in my eyes. Mom can see but she does not say a word. She moves around the counter and comes to rest her hand on my shoulder. "Clay she will come around, just give her some time."

"Mom I don't think I can bear being away from her for all that time. I have learned to know the fear and look in people's eyes and I don't think her fear will bring her back to me."

Mom pulls my head close to her chest like she always used to do when we were young boys. Her hugs used to be so infinite. In her arms I am safe and my worries disappear. In her embrace, I am cocooned better than any butterflytobe. I feel her soft skin, I feel her warmth and the smell of freshly laundered clothes. No matter what, mom's hugs always used to take my pain away and they do still.

In a perfect world, hearts heal and people move on, well I say that is nonsense. How do you heal if you can't move on because you are still waiting for the impossible to happen, waiting for the one that broke your heart to come back and make it whole again cause the thing is, you cannot move on if they are not next to you moving on together.

Yesterday was torture, today is agony. She has not phoned or even messaged me. I don't know if she is waiting for me or if I must wait for her. This unwritten book of love is just a messed up bundle of confusion.

I am sitting with Matt and Chloe outside around the pool area. Matt has taken it upon himself to see me get through this, I feel completely useless and vulnerable. "Hey bro, grab a beer and get some sun on those skinny bones."

"Man, I don't know how brown I want this buddy of mine."

He bursts out laughing as I adjust my prosthetic leg and lay back on the deck chair.

Matt goes to fiddle with the fire for the BBQ and Chloe comes to sit next to me. "You know Clay, that girl is just missing out, I mean look at you, you are goddamn hot."

"Hahaha. Thanks, Chloe, just don't let Matt hear you say that, he thinks he is the sexier brother between us."

"You might not feel it now, but it will get better. Have you heard anything from her?"

"Not a single chirp."

"Have you tried speaking to her?"

"Fuck no, I am too damn scared."

"Send her a message, if she does not respond then fine and if she does even better but at least show her that you have tried."

"What even do I say to her?"

"Just say hi."

Just then Matt comes sneaking up behind us, slapping me behind the head. "Hey bro, you chatting up my girl now, I know she said you kind of looked hot and all."

"Hahaha you know I don't like blondes Matty boy."

Chloe smacks me on the arm and goes back to sit with Matt on the other side of the pool. I pull my phone from the table and flip until I find Isabella's number.

"Hey boo, have not heard in a while, just wanted to say hi and that I am thinking of you."

I wait…

And wait…

Nothing…

Chloe looks over and smiles at me.

I wait…

And wait…

Nothing…

I shake my head at Chloe.

After another few minutes, I put it back onto the table. My heart drops right back into my shoes, I don't know what I was thinking but whatever it was, it is not happening.

Mom and dad have gone into town for a show and dinner so we three pretty much have the place to ourselves. Matty gets the beer as I go inside to crank up the music, and by cracking I mean pretty shit damn loud.

Soon the beer is flowing and I find myself out my leg and into the pool. The cool water not doing much for the heat I feel under my skin. You know how it goes, get a few beers under the collar and you are soon hotter there than the fire. My mind is achingly thinking about my boo and how amazing it felt to have myself hard and deep in her that cool crisp night out on that table.

The night soon drags to near early morning, the sight of Chloe and Matty so in love drives me to go seek the comfort of my bed but before I close my eyes to get muchdeserved rest, I foolishly take my phone and send Isabella a message.

"My boo, I miss you."

And with that, I slowly drift off to sleep, but I am soon riddled by nightmares…

"Sir," I hear a familiar voice calls for me. "Are you okay sir? Sir?"

I slowly open my eyes one by one. I am staring up at a white ceiling, why am I not waking up in a tent? As I look to my side there is a window from with the sun shines fairly bright.

"Soldier where am?"

"You in the hospital sir."

I do not recall me being sick at all, why will I be in a hospital? I look at the soldier with clear confusion written all over my face.

"What happened?"

I move to try and sit up as I am waiting for the soldier who is hesitating somewhat, to answer.

"Sir you were in an accident."

"Am I alright? Is everything alright?"

I am struggling to get myself to sit up, they must have given me something that is making my body feel so limp.

"Sir..."

I struggle and struggle but I can't seem to get myself up, I am trying to move my legs but they are just not moving,

"Soldier, what happened?"

"Sir..."

I am now starting to panic as I cannot move at all. There is fear that is creeping into every crack of bone in my body. My temper is now starting to flair because the soldier is not answering.

"Soldier!"

"Sir..."

I go to feel my leg…where is my leg…I can't feel my leg…where is my leg. I blow up in a total fit of rage.

"Soldier what the fuck happened to my leg?!"

The soldier looks at me looking very much defeated. The next six words he says to me will haunt me forever. "Sir they could not save it."

"What the fuck do you mean they could not save it? Where is my leg?!"

I am frantically feeling around, an agonizing pain shoots through my body, tears start to roll down my heated cheeks.

"I want fucking answers soldier! What have they done to my leg?"

"Sir, I will go call the doctor."

I take the water bottle that is standing on the cabinet next to me and smash it into pieces on the opposite wall.

"I don't want a fucking doctor. I want my leg!"

I fall helplessly down on the bed and pass out from the agonizing pain that is now shooting through my body.

Next thing I feel someone is someone shaking me furiously.

"Clay, bro, wake up, it is just a nightmare bro, wake up."

"Fuck Matty was I having nightmares again?"

"Yes bro, are you okay?"

"Yes, I am fine now."

"Can I grab you something from the kitchen?"

"Nah, I will be up in a second."

That tiny part of me that still believes in hope reaches for my phone only to be slapped with disappointment. There are no messages from Isabella, in fact, she has not even read the last drunken one I sent.

I get up to have a shower, I don't know if my head is spinning from my hangover or from the fact that I cried myself to sleep last night. I need to get a grip, I can't do this for another day in a row.

Once I am dressed, I head on over to the kitchen where I find my mom already making coffee. "Where are you two boys going today?"

Chloe eagerly jumps in to answer. "They are taking me for breakfast."

"You quite the lucky girl, two of the three Jackson boys by your side. You are definitely going to have old Betty talking."

I only but grunt at my mom for Betty is the last person I feel like seeing today. "Just as long as the old bag does not go all crazy and take photos of us."

"Talking about photos, Clay did you phone that reporter back?"

"Not yet, mom, I don't know if I want to do the story."

Just as I finish my sentence my dad enters the kitchen and as he usually does, he has something to say again.

"Son you did your country proud, I don't see the harm in doing it."

"Dad, you just want your name and face in the magazine."

"Son with Betty here, I am always in the paper and her stupid blog with you two boys."

I see that mom is looking me up and down, I know exactly what she is thinking and what she is about to ask. "Clay, are you going to be okay going out in shorts?"

"Yes mom, I am tired of hiding. If people around me can't get used to it then I might as well."

She smiles and pulls me into one of her special mom hugs. I snuggle in and she squeezes a fraction tighter.

"Love you, mom."

"Love you too my boy, now you bunch go have some fun. I am sure I will get an update as soon as you hit the town."

And with that, we are out the door.

I am taking a big risk today, laying myself out bare for the world to see, the way I see it, my body is already broken and so is my heart, there is no way that anybody can break me even more.

As we start making our way down the main road, I can feel people starting to stare, I can hear the whispers behind their covering hands, I feel a slight sting in my eye but I swallow hard and I lift my head with a smile.

"Bro, you okay there?" Matty looks at me concerned as he softly whispers into my ear. "The town is buzzing and we have not even hit Betty yet."

"Yes Matty, let's just go."

Chloe hooks her arm into mine and we carry walking down the road of shame, well at least that is what it feels like, cause god to forbid a soldier comes back from deployment injured, let alone come back half a man.

As we pass the flower shop Betty comes outside stopping us dead in our tracks. "Helloooo boys. How are the Jackson boys doing today?"

Matt shoots her a look that could kill even the kindest soul' "Hello Betty, we are doing just fabulous thank you and how are you this lovely morning?"

"You know how it is. This old back is starting to act up again and the arthritis is killing me."

And she wastes absolutely no time at all. "I see you back in town Clayton my boy. How was the army?"

"Betty it was the marines and thank you it was amazing, the best time of my life."

But wait she finally gets to the question that is burning her the most. "Shame did you get hurt down there, my boy?"

"No shit Betty," Matt blurts out and I can hardly contain my laughter. "It is plain damn obvious."

"Watch your mouth with me, young man, you don't want me to tell your mom how nasty you talk."

"Betty you going to tell her in any way as soon as we leave."

"This one, I always use to like you more Clayton, your brother was and is still a naughty shit. A bloody thorn in my side some days."

"Betty I will remember that when you mess your computer up again."

"Oh keep quiet you. Now tell Aunty Betty what happened to your leg, my boy. It looks like it can be very sore."

I can see the fury burn up in Matt's eyes as he takes in her comment. "Yes Betty, it hurts like shit. And Clay does not go around and ask you what happened to your face like that."

"Young man if this nice young lady is not going to slap you then I will. I was asking Clayton a question, not you."

I immediately jump in before this conversation gets out of hand. "Betty it is a long story and one that I am not going to tell now."

"You know what we must do?"

"No Betty but I am sure you are going to tell me."

"We must do an article for the town newspaper. Then you can tell everyone about the war and what happened to your leg."

"Betty I did not go to the war, it was a peace mission. Some very bad men planted a bomb and a lot of people almost got hurt."

"Shame my boy, did other people also lose their legs?"

She is truly now beginning to work on my nerves. "Betty no! See this is why you the town gossip cause you don't listen."

"Then do the article my boy then everyone will have the right story."

"Okay, Betty I will. Phone my mom when you are ready. We have got to go, we taking this young lady for breakfast."

"That other pretty lady is also having breakfast in there today."

This immediately peeks my interest. "Which pretty lady Betty?"

"The pretty one that you kissed there by that tree."

Matt who is now highly strung up shows me that we should leave. "Thanks, Betty, we will make sure to say hello."

"You boys have fun. Clay, I will let your mom know when I can come around."

"Okay, Betty."

All of us highly frustrated, make our way across the road to the coffee shop.

Could she possibly have spoken about Isabella, but why would Isabella come and have breakfast on her own? She hates being around strangers especially around these old women that have not much to do than gossip the whole day. It can't be here, the old bag is getting blind and crazy in her old day.

Matt flings the door open and we step in, it is not the stares that hit me the most, what hits me the most is seeing Isabella. If there was a smile on my face then it was gone in seconds for Isabella is not alone. No. Across from my boo is sitting another man, a man holding the hand that I am supposed to.