Five Years of Nothing

I woke up in the hospital, feeling weak and my mind filled with worry. Ricky, my boyfriend of five years, wasn't by my side. For the past two days, I've been waiting for news from him, but nothing came.

When I finally mustered the courage to open the office group chat, my heart pounded. All the attention seemed to be on Christine, the new employee who had caught Ricky's eye.

With a mix of curiosity and anxiety, I opened the flood of messages. Christine had posted a photo of herself wearing an elegant white gold bracelet that I knew all too well—it was a gift from Ricky as an apology for his disastrous birthday party.

My heart felt like it was being torn apart as I read the compliments pouring in for her. It was as if everyone had forgotten about me. For five months, I had been patient, no longer showing my true feelings about how much I disliked Ricky spending so much time with Christine. I tried to be more mature, less tantrumprone, hoping Ricky would notice this new side of me.

Ricky never actually said our relationship was over. But his actions made me feel like he no longer wanted me.

Then, a message from Ricky popped up, inviting me to dinner at a restaurant. At first, I felt happy, thinking it was a sincere apology. But as I read the next part, my heart shattered. He wanted me to come and apologize to Christine for what happened at her birthday party.

Should I apologize because my boyfriend, Ricky, forced me to eat chocolate cake? He knows I'm allergic to chocolate! What's even more heartbreaking is that Ricky did it just to impress Christine, so she feels like everyone likes her!

"Are you serious, Ricky? Christine again?" I yelled in frustration, feeling trapped in an unfair game. The pain deepened, as if Ricky cared more about Christine's feelings than my own safety.

A nurse walked in, startled by my outburst. She asked if I was okay, and I could only manage an awkward smile. After making sure I was fine, she handed me the discharge papers. Ricky should have handled all this, not me.

When I finally got home to my apartment, my hope of seeing Ricky waiting for me at the door vanished. Loneliness wrapped around me, just like it had for the past five months. Tears started to flow again, but the ringing phone broke the silence.

With trembling hands, I saw my mom's name on the screen. "What now?" I thought, feeling exhausted by it all.

I answered the call, and my mom's voice asking how I was doing came through.

"Yes, Mom, I'm okay," I lied. I swallowed my tears and forced myself to sound fine. It was tough, but it was for my pride. I hadn't complained about myself since deciding to be with Ricky five years ago.

It wasn't easy for someone like me, who used to overshare with my parents, to suddenly switch to being closed off. It all started when I turned 22 and still had no thoughts about marriage or having a boyfriend.

My parents had me at quite an old age after a long struggle and couldn't have any more children. They longed for grandchildren, and maybe they just didn't want to be lonely in their twilight years.

Meanwhile, I still felt too young to get married and rejected the idea. I even decided to leave home and start living independently with my savings.

Back then, all I wanted was to try my luck, to break free from the cage that had sheltered me from the harsh world. Little did I know that choosing to live independently would bring so many surprises and reveal that the world outside the cage wasn't as beautiful as it seemed from within.

Even the man I chose didn't care about me.

"So? What about Theo? He’s been waiting for you for so long. You've been gone for seven years and haven't said a word about any marriage plans," Mom said.

I knew Mom was taking a jab at Ricky and our fiveyear relationship showed no signs of heading towards marriage. Without thinking, I said, "Alright, Mom. Just arrange it for me, I'll accept whatever you think is best." Then I ended the call.

"Arrange what? Are you talking about marriage?" Ricky suddenly appeared from behind, his expression hard and displeased.

"My mom said she's going to arrange a marriage for me," I replied nervously. Half of me still hoped Ricky would have a good reaction.

Ricky laughed. "We're not ready for that. By the way, I need to borrow some tools. Christine needs me to fix the wiring in her apartment."

Unfortunately, my hopes were dashed. As usual, Ricky avoided the topic of marriage. He even tended to dismiss it and change the subject to something else.

I pointed to the box where the tools were kept, and before Ricky left, I couldn't help but ask, "Will you be home tonight? I have something to tell you."

Ricky frowned, a sign of his displeasure. "I can't promise that." Then he just walked out.

Ricky never used to be like this. He would always make time, no matter how busy he was, just to listen to my notsoimportant stories.

"I was planning to tell you that I'm getting married," I muttered to the empty air.

“Are you sure you're moving?" Uncle Roland asked as I handed over my mom's belongings and a few items I wouldn't be taking with me before the move.

I nodded, signaling to the moving crew that had helped me with the many items I was giving to Uncle Roland. Suddenly, Ricky appeared with Christine. His arms were full of typical movingday stuff.

Before I could say anything, Ricky quickly explained, "I'm just helping Christine move from her old place. It's too far from our office, don't get the wrong idea."

Christine nodded quickly, putting on an innocent face and glancing at Ricky with a fearful expression. I knew she was just pretending, so I simply nodded without changing the flat expression on my face.

Ricky looked relieved that I didn't seem to misunderstand, then he invited Christine to take the elevator first since their stuff was much less than mine.

"Hey, Uncle Roland. So glad to have you here. Christine will definitely be safer with you around," Ricky greeted, just noticing Uncle Roland behind me.

Once they were out of sight, Uncle Roland and I both took a deep breath. "Who said I’d look after that tramp even if she lives next door?" he grumbled, annoyed.

I chuckled dryly. At least I had Uncle Roland on my side. He knows everything about me but is wise enough not to spill anything to my parents.

"Are you sure about your decision to move? Do you need me to warn Ricky to stay away from that woman?" Uncle Roland asked seriously.

I nodded firmly. "And what about the wedding? You don’t have to force yourself if you don’t want to get married. You can just leave Ricky," Uncle Roland added.

I shook my head. Five years isn't a short time, but it wasn't long enough to make Ricky choose me over other women.

When Ricky completely ignored me after feeding me chocolate with his own hand, I started to realize my life was too valuable to waste on him.

Uncle Roland hugged me one last time before I handed the moving crew over to him. Meanwhile, I went back to my apartment, packed my things, and called Ricky to say goodbye in person.

Strangely, none of my calls or messages were answered. I switched to the group chat, which suddenly blew up again like the day I came back from the hospital.

Only to find photos of a girlythemed bedroom, with Ricky busy putting up fairy lights on the wall. His phone was just lying on the bed. He looked happy, just as happy as Christine's caption.

[Moved to a new city and got help from my boss for my first move. Never felt this lucky. The best boss ever!]

This time, disappointment took over me more than anger. For the last time, I dialed Ricky’s number.

“Can’t you be patient? It takes a lot of effort here, and I hope you understand that I won’t be coming home tonight. Just go to sleep,” Ricky said without giving me a chance to speak. As I was about to respond, the call ended.

I didn’t give up and called Ricky again. This time, Christine’s soft voice answered. “Ricky is getting the delivery food at the front. Can you not bother us? Don’t worry, we’re just tidying up the room together.”

Just like Ricky, Christine hung up right after speaking. This time, I had no desire to try again. Where else would Ricky spend the night if not at Christine’s place?

The next morning, Ricky came to my apartment while I was still asleep. He didn’t care that I had just fallen asleep at 5 AM and told me to get ready for lunch with him at a restaurant he had reserved.

Halfasleep and groggy, I got ready. Imagine my shock when I found Christine already sitting in the front seat. I froze, staring at my throne with a blank look, but Christine didn’t seem like she was going to move.

Instead, she looked at Ricky with a pleading gaze. Ricky glanced at me impatiently and opened the back door for me.

“Don’t look at Christine like that. This morning she accidentally spilled hot water on her thigh and it’s uncomfortable for her to sit in the wide back seat. Grow up, Jemima!” Ricky scolded me.

Too stunned to react, I just sat quietly in the back seat. My brain was busy trying to figure out how sitting in a wide back seat could be uncomfortable when you’ve spilled hot water on yourself.

I glanced forward and was shocked to see a large burn on Christine’s thigh. With a burn that big, why was she still forcing herself to come to lunch?

"Thanks for inviting me to lunch. You didn't have to do this, Jemima. You didn't mean to ruin my birthday party, did you?” Christine said, as if she could read my mind.

I glanced at Ricky, who looked like he was the one being praised. If I had known it would turn out like this, I wouldn't have come.

A few minutes later, we arrived at the restaurant. I felt like a third wheel because Ricky was taking care of Christine the same way he used to take care of me.

Not once did Ricky pay attention to me throughout the lunch. He was busy helping and pampering the fragile Christine. And when lunch was over, Ricky just left me in front of the restaurant, saying he had to take Christine to the hospital.

"Grow up a bit, I have nothing going on with Christine. She needs me now," Ricky scolded me before leaving me in the restaurant's parking lot.

Did Ricky think I didn't need him? And what was with all the scolding? I didn't even get a chance to say a word before being suddenly reprimanded like this!

Ricky's behavior only solidified my decision to end our relationship. I had hoped we could talk facetoface this time, but Christine was always in the way.

Or maybe I was the one standing in the way of those two?

Uncle Roland and I were busy sorting out the things I would take to my parents' house. It didn't take long since I didn't have much left after giving most of it to Uncle Roland.

I decided to check my phone while taking a break from packing. Secretly, I still hoped Ricky would reach out first, but that hope faded. Instead, there were 99+ group chats. I had handed in my resignation letter yesterday, so were they buzzing because of that?

Unfortunately, the sweet surprise I hoped for didn't come true. Christine posted a bunch of photos stuck on her bedroom wall, under a string of aesthetic fairy lights. They were photos of Ricky, and some of them were of the two of them together, taken on various occasions.

[Never felt this happy having such a kind and caring boss.]

That caption made no sense at all. Then it was followed by a photo of a man’s and a woman’s feet against the white hospital floor. [My boss took me to the hospital, even though I could go by myself].

I rolled my eyes. So this is what you want, Ricky? After being with me for five years, did you get bored? Then why not just end this boring relationship?

It started with that white gold bracelet, then all the attention focused only on Christine. The white gold bracelet was a custom piece Ricky ordered just for me, part of a set with a necklace and ring. He hadn’t had the chance to give me the jewelry set, even though it was ready three months ago.

And Ricky had already given the bracelet to Christine. Maybe not just the bracelet, but also the ring, the necklace, and his heart. So what’s left for me?

I turned my face away, trying to hold back my tears. By chance, I saw Uncle Roland pulling a large box out of my closet.

It was a box filled with memories from my five years with Ricky. It contained photo albums that Ricky claimed held 9,999 photos of our time together. He stopped adding to it last year because the final photo, which would mark the end and beginning of a new chapter in our lives, was supposed to be our wedding photo.

Now, Ricky was piling up new photos with someone new. So what did all this mean? Forget planning a wedding, every time I brought up the topic, Ricky would avoid it or glare at me.

Sensing the heavy and awkward atmosphere, Uncle Roland excused himself and asked me to call him whenever I needed. After he left, I sat in the same spot for a while, my mind exhausted from figuring out how to end my emotional suffering.

As night approached, I decided to truly focus on my decision to marry the man my parents chose for me. It had to start with me, by erasing one by one the memories with Ricky.

I filled the box with photo albums and all the things Ricky had given me since we started dating. Then I took it to the backyard of my apartment and burned them one by one in a metal drum.

“Jemima! Oh my God, I’ve been looking for you everywhere! What are you doing playing with fire on a windy day like this?”

The shout startled me, along with a hug from behind. I smelled the musk and citrus cologne Ricky always wore, so I knew it was him. But I no longer felt peace when Ricky hugged me, especially when I also smelled a floral perfume on his clothes that wasn’t mine.

It was the scent Christine usually wore. A soft floral aroma that matched the image of the pure Virgin Mary. Hiding my disgust, I pushed Ricky’s chest away. Ricky looked at me with a scrutinizing gaze. After realizing I was calm, he shifted his gaze to the metal drum with the stillburning fire.

I casually tossed the last photo album into the fire, watching Ricky's reaction. Sure enough, a few seconds after realizing what I had thrown, Ricky quickly tried to save it.

"Termites were eating those albums. I wasn't careful storing them," I said without helping Ricky. I knew he could handle it himself.

Ricky pulled his hand from the fire without injuring it. "What a shame. You should have waited for me to deal with the termites instead of burning them right away," Ricky muttered sadly, watching the album pages slowly turn to ash.

"Are you still mad at me? I already told you that you need to fix your attitude. There's nothing going on between me and Christine. Why didn't you go to the office today?" Ricky asked, hitting me right in the heart.

I slowly walked back to my apartment on the third floor. Ricky followed behind me. "I sent my resignation email two days ago," I replied calmly.

"Why are you acting like this? Grow up, Jemima! How could you just resign without any notice? Who's going to do your work?" Ricky shouted as we almost reached the ground floor.

Realizing this conversation would take a while, I pulled Ricky to the quieter side garden and spoke.

"First, you have Christine, who’s been taking over all my work lately. Second, I have the right to resign whenever I want!" I snapped. Ricky looked at me in disbelief.

"You're jealous! I've told you countless times there's nothing between me and Christine! Do you know the office is a mess because there's no one to assist me? Christine is out because of her burn, and you choose to quit?" Ricky retorted, unwilling to back down.

I scoffed. From what I saw in the group chat earlier today, Christine didn't look like someone who needed bed rest at all.

"Whatever, Ricky. I don't care about your relationship, the office, or you. I'm tired of you always accusing me of being immature or demanding that I grow up.

Have you ever noticed how hard I've tried? Do you realize how long you've been ignoring me for someone else?" I said, my voice choking.

Ricky looked at me, puzzled.

"I'm done, Ricky. It's up to you now. Do whatever you want, and don't ever involve me again!"

I don't know what changed Ricky from the gentle and understanding person he used to be into someone so selfish. Before I could respond, the ringing of his phone broke the tense silence between us.

I glanced quickly and saw Christine's name on the screen.

"Do not overthink again," Ricky warned me before stepping away to take the call, something he had never done in our five years together. He used to answer calls in front of me, no matter who it was.

"I'll give you time to think, and I'll pretend you never sent that resignation letter," Ricky said decisively after finishing his call. He then hurried off without saying goodbye, and I guessed he was heading to Christine's apartment.

What could I expect from someone who no longer wanted to listen? I didn't know why Ricky was so reluctant to let me go, but I also had the right to end everything.

Ricky didn't contact me for two days, and my resolve to leave him grew stronger. My intention to tell Ricky that I was going home to get married vanished completely. This afternoon, I sat alone at the airport, waiting for my flight.

[Let's break up.]

I also left the office group chat and blocked Ricky's number. I didn't care if I was seen as immature or running away from problems. I no longer wanted to fix anything with Ricky. From the start, he always blamed everything on me. I was never right and never good enough in his eyes.

Christine's presence only highlighted the distance between us. The rift that I had felt for the past year became more apparent when Ricky found someone new who interested him more.

The flight to my parents' house only took three hours. But I hadn't tried to go home once in the past seven years. Instead, I often attended Ricky's family events and ended up being part of the busy team there. Every Christmas, New Year, or family wedding, I was always there, celebrating from behind the scenes.

It wasn't that I didn't realize Ricky's family didn't appreciate me, but I was too blinded by love. Back then, Ricky introduced me as the allcapable girlfriend, an amazing partner who helped him grow his business to what it is now.

With such appreciation from Ricky, I thought I could even walk through fire. But somewhere along the way, that extraordinary loyalty lost its value in Ricky's eyes. Maybe because I was too independent and too obedient. Men get bored when they lose the challenge.

So when Christine came along as a new challenge, Ricky got very excited. But Ricky knew my worth, which is why he couldn't just throw me away.

My mom and dad hugged me together when we met at the airport. "You've lost a lot of weight. Are you eating well?" my mom asked, worried. There were many wrinkles on her face, which somehow made her look even more loving.

My usually quiet dad nodded in agreement. His face was also more lined, but his soft, loving eyes hadn't changed.

I couldn't hold back my tears, realizing how many years I had wasted just to satisfy my own ego. They never forced their will on me to get married quickly, but in my immaturity, I thought they were imposing their will on me.

This made me even more certain of my decision to get married and bring happiness to them. In the end, I realized that the ones who truly loved me were my parents, not Ricky. It took me seven years to understand this.

In the car, my mom kept hugging me and stroking my arm. Her touch was like a balm for my heart, wounded by Ricky's treatment.

"Are you happy? Are you sure about accepting Theo?" my mom asked softly. I nodded with my eyes closed.

"Really? Then why do you look unhappy? Honestly, you don't have to marry anyone if you don't want to. We just miss you and hope to see you more often," my mom added gently.

I shook my head, my eyes welling up again. "It's normal, I've never met Theo, so I don't know what to expect. But I want to be happy. And I trust that you have chosen the best person for me," I replied softly.

My mom looked hesitant but didn't ask any more questions. My dad drove us to my favorite orientalthemed restaurant, and we had a meal together there. The awkwardness slowly melted away as we chatted. My usually quiet dad, who was always enthusiastic, busied himself peeling shrimp for me, while my mom kept asking me lots of questions.

Coming home this time really had a positive impact on my mental health. Even so, I still often woke up in the middle of the night from dreams of Ricky scolding me and couldn't sleep until morning, feeling like I had wronged him.

At least during the day, I felt better knowing Ricky was a threehour flight away from here. He would never find me because he never asked about my family.

Even so, my mom knows me well. Seven years apart didn't dull her motherly instincts.

"Let's go to the hospital. You eat a lot, but why do you still look pale and tired during the day? The dark circles under your eyes make you look like a panda!" my mom said one afternoon.

Feeling drowsy, I suddenly perked up. "I'm fine," I quickly refused. Unfortunately, my mom is very stubborn. We argued for a while until she suddenly stopped midconversation. It was scary, especially when she grabbed her phone and called someone.

"Susan, I need your help. Come over as soon as you're done with work," Mom said on the phone. She told me to get ready, and later that afternoon, when I was feeling sleepy again, she arrived with a woman in her 40s, surprising me. My head hurt from failing to sleep twice, and it hurt even more because the woman named Susan asked me a lot of questions.

At first, I thought she was a doctor, but I was wrong. Her questions gradually moved away from general health inquiries. It felt more like a session with a psychiatrist!

When I realized what was happening and who Susan really was, it was too late. My mom, who had been with me since the beginning of the session, started to cry while Susan sighed deeply.

"The preliminary diagnosis is that you have depression."

"I'll make him regret it!" my dad shouted angrily. It was the first longest sentence he had spoken since I came home. I shook my head vigorously, trying to convince my dad that I was fine and could handle everything.

"You can't handle everything on your own!" my dad shouted, his eyes filled with hurt. Once again, I was struck by the depth of his love for me. The guilt weighed even heavier on me, along with the desire to recover from my depression.

"I know. Please give me time and stay with me until I get better," I pleaded, my voice choking. I couldn't bear the shame of letting my dad go to Ricky and beat him up like a gangster.

The topic of marriage was temporarily forgotten. My parents were careful not to ask too many details about my relationship with Ricky, fearing it would trigger me further. Even so, they knew it was Ricky who had caused my depression.

I attended regular therapy sessions with the support of my parents. A month into the sessions, I felt better. My mom started asking if I was ready to get married, and I stuck to my initial decision. There was still a hint of worry on her face amidst the happiness.

My mom then took me to a famous boutique to get my dress measured. I left the best choice to her, and she happily immersed herself in catalogs and dress samples.

It didn't take long for my luxurious and expensive wedding dress to be ready. A store employee asked for permission to take my photo, and my mom allowed it.

The next day, after a night of uninterrupted sleep, my mood was ruined by the stern expression on my mom's face. I ate my pancakes and asked what was wrong.

"There are always people with evil hearts who don't like others' happiness. You know the photo the store employee took of you? They posted it on the store's website, and it got a lot of hateful comments!" my mom explained, upset.

My chewing stopped instantly as a suspicion crossed my mind. I borrowed my mom's phone and checked who had left those nasty comments.

Unfortunately, I couldn't trace who was behind the account because it was fake. I had a feeling this wouldn't stop, and I was right. The next day, my phone, which hadn't received any notifications for a long time, suddenly buzzed nonstop.

I picked up my phone and found many messages from a new account. Even so, I could already guess who was behind it. Who else but Ricky?

Quietly, I regretted not deleting my social media accounts. Blocking all of Ricky's accounts didn't seem enough to stop him from finding me.

[There’s no such thing as a wedding with a $7,000 dress until we meet and talk!]

That was the message Ricky sent. I sighed wearily. I started to wonder what had made me so scared and ended up depressed after breaking up with him. What did I see in Ricky back then?

Why couldn't I see that he was selfish and narcissistic back then? Does Ricky think I'm still sulking and seeking attention by pretending to be a model for a luxury wedding dress boutique?

I chose to ignore Ricky and deleted my social media apps. My mistake all this time was always giving in and catering to his every whim. I trusted his judgment too much and never valued myself.

As my wedding day approached, my mom offered for me to meet Theo. I refused again. "If Theo has no complaints, then we should just meet at the altar," I firmly declined.

My parents exchanged glances and gave up on the idea of introducing us. I went through some athome beauty treatments, and once again, my peace was shattered by message notifications. I started thinking about ditching my phone forever and switching to a landline when I saw Christine's name on the screen.

I opened the text message, which was just a greeting. It was followed by a phone call from Christine seconds later. Since my treatment was done, I moved to the balcony and answered the call.

"Still not acting mature? What do you mean by running away and leaving your job? Don't you know how much trouble you've caused Christine, especially when she's injured?" Ricky's dissatisfied voice filled my ears. It seemed he was using Christine to talk to me.

I took a deep breath, thinking about hanging up. But I remembered Susan's advice. If I wanted peace of mind, I had to face my problems, not run from them.

Maybe for me, the issue between Ricky and me was over when I said we were done. But not for Ricky. He would keep chasing me until he felt our issues were resolved.

"So what do you mean by blocking me on all your social media? Running away? After causing so many problems?" Ricky shouted again, breathless.

I waited until he was silent, then responded. "I did everything because I'm a free person with the right to do whatever I want. Did my actions break any laws? Did you forget that I already resigned?"

Ricky scoffed. "Just so you know, I never accepted your resignation! You're causing me losses!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? What about the losses I suffered? Don't forget, I didn't even receive my last paycheck, severance, or any assignments for the last two weeks before I resigned! You handed everything over to Christine, so why are you now making it seem like I'm irresponsible and ruining your company?" I replied calmly.

"Wait, how do you know the company isn't doing well? Did you plan all this? Admit it, Jemima! This is why I always ask you to act maturely, to think rationally! Do you think you can run away from this situation and destroy me?"

Ricky continued talking. "Keep dreaming, Jemima! You'll never be free from me, your obligations, and that dress! Don't ever think I'll agree to buy that dress for our wedding! You have to come back here, fix all the mess you made, and then we'll talk about the wedding!"

Too stunned to speak. It took me a while to process Ricky's chaotic thinking before I finally responded.

"Do you think I can't afford that dress? Do you think I don't have another man to marry? Is that really what you think, Ricky Smith?" I asked, still in a calm tone.

"Of course! I'm telling you, no one would want to marry a boring woman like you! Be grateful you have something Christine doesn't, and I can appreciate your strengths!" Ricky replied passionately.

"Keep dreaming, Ricky! Because I'm going to marry someone far better than you!" I shouted emotionally.

"You never will! Because I'll make sure to ruin your wedding! Wait for me, Jemima! I already know where you're having the wedding, and I'll make sure that man cancels the wedding with you in front of everyone!"