Find The Most Beautiful Version of Yourself

The mountainside had collapsed, and my boyfriend, who was out sketching, was missing.

I joined the rescue team, and we dug for three days and nights. Completely exhausted and on the brink of collapse, I finally passed out.

The next day, when I woke up, I found a post from him on his dream lover's social media.

“I was so scared after seeing the news, but I’m so glad to have you by my side!”

In the photo, he was blissfully enjoying life, admiring his dream lover's radiant beauty.

I glanced at my own arm in a cast and silently typed a reply.

“Some people are just so pretentious!”

“And if the dog licked you, don’t forget to get a rabies shot!”

——

The day after I woke up in the hospital, my boyfriend, Scott Carter, finally remembered to call me back.

He had been missing since he went out sketching, and his destination had experienced a landslide.

I couldn't reach him and had gone into a frenzy, calling and texting him nonstop. Eventually, I led a rescue team, doing everything I could to find him.

During that time, I’d sent him updates about my own situation.

I expected at least some words of comfort from him.

But when he called me, I could hear his anger and frustration through the phone.

The day after I woke up in the hospital, my boyfriend, Scott Carter, finally remembered to call me back. He had been missing since he went out sketching, and his destination had experienced a landslide. I couldn't reach him and had gone into a frenzy, calling and texting him nonstop. Eventually, I personally led a rescue team, doing everything I could to find him.

During that time, I’d sent him updates about my own situation. I expected at least some words of comfort from him. But when he spoke, I could hear his anger and frustration through the phone.

“Lillian, why are you cursing people on social media?”

“Hannah is a college friend of mine. She just asked me to help with a portrait, and you’re going off on her like that?”

“You’ve got such a dirty mind that you see everything as filthy!”

“Get it together and apologize to Hannah!”

Not a word about how I’d been during those three days of rescue.

“Scott, I was injured during the rescue…”

Before I could finish, he cut me off.

“You only went on this rescue mission because you’re bored. It’s good you got hurt. Maybe it’ll keep you from shadowing me all the time and giving me no space!”

“Scott, do you like how this sketch turned out?”

The voice of Hannah Levine, sweet and girlish, came through the phone.

“Hold on, I’m coming right now!”

Scott quickly hung up the phone.

On the fifth day of my hospital stay, with my right arm in a cast, I was finally ready to be discharged.

Scott finally decided to reach out.

“When are you coming home? Let’s make some homemade pasta tonight.”

The silent battle was over at last.

In our relationship, he was always the one in control.

He’d shower me with affection when he was happy and pull away into cold silence when he wasn’t.

And I was expected to be at his beck and call, with no right to refuse.

In the past, during our silent treatments, I would anxiously await any sign of reconciliation.

But now, a profound sense of exhaustion washed over me, making everything feel pointless.

“Get ready to leave!”

Maybe feeling a twinge of guilt, he called and said he’d pick me up in forty minutes.

I canceled my hospital meal service and waited from dawn until nightfall.

Scott never showed up and didn’t call again.

Just like so many times before, he disappeared without a word, as if it were nothing out of the ordinary.

As I got into a cab with my arm in a cast, I saw that Hannah had updated her social media.

“You’re like a treasure, always surprising me. I can’t wait to see what else there is to discover…”

In the photo, Scott was wearing an apron, pretending to make homemade pasta.

The hands I once cherished and was reluctant to let do any household chores were now busy preparing a meal for another woman.

I managed a silent smile, but the weariness surged back, clinging to me like a shadow.

The allure of the dream lover was truly formidable, and all I could do was watch from the sidelines.

I struggled to open the door with my uninjured arm.

The apartment still looked the same as when I’d rushed out for the rescue mission.

Scott still hadn’t returned.

Hungry and unable to use my injured hand, I was afraid of burning myself, so I could only manage to make a bowl of instant noodles with lukewarm water.

As I took a bite, tears began to flow uncontrollably.

They started as a trickle and soon turned into a steady stream.

I hadn’t cried when he was missing, I hadn’t cried while leading the rescue team, I hadn’t cried when everyone urged me to stay strong, and I hadn’t cried when a falling rock hit my arm, causing excruciating pain.

Now, with him safe and me finally discharged, I suddenly found myself unable to hold back the tears, overwhelmed by an emotional storm.

Sheriff Chase, the lead investigator, sent a message.

“Doctor Lillian, are you sure you don’t want to return to the forensic team?”

From a young age, driven by a strong sense of justice, I had always wanted to become a skilled forensic pathologist.

I pursued forensic science in college and, after graduation, joined the police department as a frontline forensic expert, helping to crack major cases.

That was until I met Scott.

To align with his preferences and to keep a regular routine with him, I transferred to an administrative role.

“When you first joined, you were incredibly dedicated. You’re the golden right hand with a sharp eye for details. It’s a shame to lose that talent. With the team shorthanded now, have you thought about coming back?”

Sheriff Chase, not usually one for smooth talk, was doing his best to convince me.

“Sheriff Chase, my arm is injured, and it’s uncertain if I’ll ever be able to handle that scalpel again.”

Sheriff Chase quickly set up a video call to get more details about my condition.

“Doctor Lillian, I just spoke with some experts. With the right rehabilitation, you should be able to return to your work.”

“Would you consider going through rehab?”

“Yes, I want to come back!”

Sheriff Chase was overjoyed.

“Great! While you’re recovering, you could review some of our recent challenging cases and offer your insights.”

Over the years, I had given up my career and dreams, holding onto the hope of a warm home with Scott.

But even that small dream was shattered.

Though life had already passed the halfway mark, it was not too late. I still wanted to find that person who once reached for the stars with all their heart.

I dug out my old, carefully kept notes and started revisiting my forensic and anatomy studies. Lost in the work I loved, I felt time flew by.

I barely noticed when Scott came in.

“What are you reading, Lillian?”

I looked up and saw a brief flash of distaste in Scott’s eyes.

Early in our relationship, I had once read through my notes in front of him.

At that time, he had covered his mouth and backed away.

“Lillian, how can you be into this? Just looking at it made me lose my appetite for the rest of the day.”

I had been deeply in love with him and had indulged his every whim without question. After that, I never mentioned my work or looked at my notes in his presence.

Now, I faced him directly, no longer avoiding the topic.

“I’m reviewing some professional notes. When did you get back?”

I blinked, feeling a deep sense of satisfaction despite my tired eyes.

“So you ignored my calls just to read this?”

His voice was tinged with irritation and anger.

I didn’t get why he was so upset. Missing one call was a minor issue. He frequently ignored mine, and yet he was enraged now.

It was truly baffling.

I stood up and began searching for my phone, which I had misplaced somewhere.

“What's wrong with your arm?”

It was only then that Scott noticed my arm in a cast.

“It was hit by a falling rock, but it’s no big deal now.”

Scott unconsciously touched his nose, probably feeling a bit guilty, and made a move to touch me.

I subtly stepped back, sidestepping him as I headed for the door.

His hand dropped to his side, and he spoke with a touch of frustration.

“That day, Hannah said she wanted to go sketching in the mountains, but halfway there, she changed her mind.”

“I meant to tell you…”

I gave him a wry smile. He had plenty of opportunities to respond to me that day, even if it was just a single sentence.

When the accident first happened, his phone was still on, but no one answered.

Later, it was just off.

Now, his pale excuses seemed like a cruel joke.

As soon as our eyes met, he quickly looked away, pressing his lips together as he changed the subject.

“Hannah called today, saying she had a cooking mishap, so I went over to help. She knew I loved homemade noodles, so she insisted on making them for me as a thank you.”

“But she’s not exactly a great cook, so it ended up being me…”

As he spoke, a smile of affection and satisfaction crept onto his face.

I stopped in my tracks, turned back, and quietly stared at him.

His high nose bridge, long lashes, and deep, dark eyes always seemed to be filled with a kind of tender affection, even when looking at a dog.

I had been lost in those eyes for five years.

But now, I felt weary.

“She can’t cook, and it’s okay you’re much better,” I said.

He stopped midsentence, staring at me in confusion, as if he couldn’t understand why I was so calm.

If this were before, I would have been hysterical, demanding he do the same for me, as if that would prove my place in his heart.

“Lillian, why are you speaking like that? Hannah and I aren’t…”

“I’m not thinking anything! You’re college friends and kindred spirits. If you wanted to be together, what does it have to do with me?”

“I don’t care. Do whatever you want!”

“I’ve got an injured arm and can’t sleep well. From now on, I’m sleeping in the guest room!”

“Get some rest. Good night!”

Without waiting for a response, I closed the guest room door behind me.

I heard the sound of a door slamming outside. Scott was angry again.

He probably thought I was ungrateful for not playing along with his game.

In his eyes, I must have been a walking mistake.

Whether I was hysterical or composed, it didn’t make a difference to him.

The next day, I was deeply focused on reviewing old cases when I heard a female voice outside the door.

“Scott, today I have to see your legendary studio!”

“Come on in any time! You’re always welcome here!”

I couldn’t help but smirk at his hypocrisy. He had always had this double standard.

I remembered a time when I had brought a friend home while we were going to a business trip. When Scott returned that night, he had scolded me sternly. “Lillian, don’t bring strangers into the house without my permission.”

Now, without a word to me, he was bringing Hannah into our home.

I wasn’t interested in dealing with them.

But then the door swung open, and Hannah gasped in surprise.

“Ah… Lillian, you’re here too!”

She was younger than both Scott and me, and the first time we met, she had called me “Lillian” with such condescension, as if I were just a junior.

“Why are you hiding in here? It’s so rude not to come out and say hello!”

Scott’s face darkened with clear irritation.

“Scott, am I bothering Lillian? Is she not welcoming? Should I just leave…”

Before she could finish, Scott hurried over to reassure her, patting her shoulder.

“Not at all, make yourself at home!”

I watched them interact with a sense of resignation, feeling completely indifferent.

Hannah suddenly stepped closer, staring at my cast with wideeyed exaggeration.

“Lillian, your arm is injured. Scott said you were just faking it to get sympathy…”

She quickly realized she’d let something slip and clamped her hand over her mouth.

“But Lillian, you’re so brave! It was so dark and dangerous out there. Were you scared?”

Her overly dramatic manner brought back the memories of that night.

Scott was missing, and based on the timeline, he should have been on the mountain.

I had pleaded with several rescue teams before one finally agreed to accompany me.

It was raining heavily, and the mountain path was pitch black. When lightning illuminated the sky, it revealed the wreckage of the landslide.

Was I scared?

More than anything, I was terrified that if Scott died because I wasn’t fast enough, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.

Fueled by desperation, I moved rocks with my bare hands, calling out Scott’s name continuously.

Three days and nights without rest, until I was hoarse and finally struck by a falling rock.

The doctor said if that rock had been just a bit more offtarget, I might not have survived.

Just thinking about it now makes me break out in a cold sweat.

I nodded. “Yeah, I was scared, but when it comes to saving Scott, I don’t really think about that.”

A flicker of remorse crossed Scott’s eyes, and he seemed about to say something.

But Hannah lowered her head with a hint of melancholy.

“You’re amazing! I don’t think I could have done it if it were me.”

Scott hesitated, then turned back to her with a gaze full of affection.

“Everyone is different. Just take care of yourself.”

Even Hannah's briefest hint of sadness was enough for him to soften.

She laughed lightly, playfully punching Scott with a fauxshy gesture.

“Who said I’m only taking care of myself? If I hadn’t changed my mind that day, we might both have been buried.”

“Scott, you should remember I actually saved you!”

Scott’s face lit up with a smile as he affectionately ruffled her hair.

“Right, you’re absolutely right. You’re my lucky star!”

But Hannah seemed to forget that Scott’s trip to the mountain was because of her in the first place.

“You’d better thank me properly for this big favor. I won’t accept anything less!”

Hannah pouted, putting on an innocent act.

“Just tell me what you want, and if I have it, it’s yours!”

“Then let’s cook a meal together and cheer up injured Lillian!”

I was about to refuse, but the thought of the nauseating instant noodles made me keep quiet.

“You don’t know how to cook, so I’ll handle it.”

Scott grinned and headed to the kitchen.

After years of dating Scott, this was the first time he’d ever set foot in the kitchen. Hannah followed him in, excitedly directing his every move.

The table was set with a feast that looked and smelled incredible. Hannah couldn’t stop praising Scott.

“Scott, you’re amazing! This food is delicious! Don’t you think so, Lillian?”

I gave a neutral nod. “I had no idea he could cook like this!”

Unfortunately, everything on the table was drenched in spice.

Hannah eagerly served Scott a piece of spicy waterboiled beef.

He ate it without a hint of hesitation, nodding approvingly.

I used to be a huge fan of spicy food myself. On my first weekend after moving in, I prepared an entire spread of spicy dishes.

The setup was the same, the waterboiled beef just as fiery.

But as soon as Scott tasted it, he spat it out, scrunching his face.

“This is too spicy! How is anyone supposed to eat this?”

Without a second glance at me or our guests, he stormed off to bed, slamming the door behind him.

From then on, whenever I cooked, everything had to be mild.

It wasn’t that Scott couldn’t handle spice. He just needed to see who was cooking.

They were eagerly serving themselves, and when they noticed I hadn’t touched my food, Scott's irritation was palpable.

“Scott worked hard on this meal. Why aren’t you eating, Lillian? Are you still upset with him?”

Hannah’s tone dripped with sarcasm, making Scott’s expression darken further.

“Lillian, why are you showing the attitude? I didn’t force you to go on that rescue mission; you chose to do it yourself.”

I stood up and gestured toward the dishes.

“From doctor’s orders, I should have no spicy food.”

Go ahead and eat if you want.”

Scott’s anger shifted to embarrassment.

“Scott, you should be gentler when you talk to girls.”

Hannah tugged at his sleeve, clearly trying to help him out of the awkward moment. “Apologize and make it right!”

“Lillian, I’m sorry for not answering your call that day. It was my fault,” Scott apologized.

But it was clear he was only doing it because Hannah suggested it.

I couldn’t help but wonder if Hannah thought everything Scott did was perfect.

“See, Scott apologized. You shouldn’t stay mad.”

“Otherwise, Scott won’t be in the mood to paint with me later!”

Their skewed logic was maddening.

“I’m fine, really. You’re making it seem like I have to be upset!”

I had no desire to watch their performance any longer. I left the room and resolved to move out as soon as I could.

In the afternoon, I saw Hannah’s new post on social media.

The caption read, “Like a Painting.”

The photo showed Scott deeply focused on a painting in his studio. It was a side profile of Hannah, with the inscription “A Lifetime with You.”

That studio had always been offlimits to me.

Yet, Hannah had free rein to wander inside.

The difference was simply a matter of love and indifference.

It’s laughable how I had deceived myself for so long.

It’s both pitiful and tragic.

I rushed to the police department's archive room to check the files.

Scott sent a message.

“What are you up to? When will you be back?”

I had left my phone outside the archive room and hadn’t seen it.

“How about steak for dinner tonight? The nonspicy kind.”

“Lillian, the gardenia has withered. What should I do?”

…

Just an afternoon away from my phone, and Scott had sent a barrage of messages as if he was catching up on years’ worth of missed texts.

In the past, my messages to him had been onesided monologues.

He would occasionally respond with a terse “oh” if he was in a good mood, but mostly he just ignored me.

I never imagined Scott would send me so many messages in my lifetime.

If this had happened before, it would have made me incredibly happy.

When I got home, Scott was still awake, lounging on the sofa with a distant, vacant stare.

He sprang up as soon as he saw me and rushed over to my side.

“What’s taking you so long? Why are you coming back so late?”

I rubbed my temples, the complexity of the case files making my head spin.

“Just had some work to handle. Were you waiting for me?”

“Let’s talk about it tomorrow. I’m a bit tired.”

Scott stubbornly blocked my path.

“Lillian, I waited for you all night!”

“I’ve already apologized for what happened before, and I’ll be more careful about dinner next time. Is there something else you want to talk about?”

“Avoiding this won’t help. It’s going to hurt our relationship.”

It’s clear he understands the logic but has never really felt it. He just knows I care more about him.

“Scott, are you really this upset over one missed message?”

“Should I list all the times you’ve ignored my messages? Or is not responding just something only you get to do?”

Scott’s face showed a moment of embarrassment before he became persistent again. “So, you’re sulking to get my attention?”

I answered calmly, trying to stay detached.

“You’re reading too much into it. I was just busy and didn’t see it.”

“Is this because of Hannah? I can explain.”

I didn’t get why he was pushing me to admit I was hurt when I was trying to move on.

It was frustrating.

“It’s not about that! You and she are close friends, and close friends share everything, right?”

Feeling overwhelmed by the emotional conversation, I decided to change the subject.

“If the gardenia is dead, just throw it away. It wasn’t that important to you anyway.”

Scott had once mentioned liking gardenias, so I bought several pots and took great care of them.

Each one withered as if foreshadowing the end of our relationship.

I only found out that Hannah was the one who truly loved gardenias. Scott’s interest was just a byproduct of that.

Scott’s lips tightened, a flash of guilt in his eyes.

“There’s my art exhibition this weekend. Would you like to come with me?”

My mind was completely absorbed by the details of the case files, constantly wrestling with their complexities.

It felt like someone had interrupted me in the middle of solving a problem, and I was growing increasingly agitated.

“I’m too busy!”

Scott, a genius painter, was known for his works being snapped up at high prices as soon as they were exhibited.

I had once foolishly believed that my genuine love could be exchanged for a genuine return. I wanted to understand his world better, hoping that my sincerity would be reciprocated.

But he had always refused to make our relationship public, claiming it would hurt his young female fans' purchasing power.

Once, I had secretly gone to one of his exhibitions, hoping to surprise him on his birthday.

When he saw me, he turned his back and refused to acknowledge me.

I waited outside the gallery like a fool until it closed.

The security guard had to shoo me away, laughing at my foolishness. I felt like a discarded clown.

When I cried about it later at home, he looked at me with contempt.

“You, with your lack of understanding of art, what do you know?”

Now, he was breaking with tradition by inviting me to his exhibition. In the past, I would have been thrilled.

Scott seemed taken aback by my refusal, especially since I had expressed a desire to attend his exhibitions many times before.

He bit his lip as if making a monumental effort.

“Lillian, are you really not coming? This exhibition will be broadcast live. I planned to announce our relationship to the world.”

I had dreamed countless times of Scott declaring my presence in a grand, romantic way.

Now, hearing him say it, my heart felt as cold and still as a dead sea.

“Forget it. I’m just a mundane person who doesn’t understand your art. I wouldn’t want to interfere with your future.”

I repeated his words back to him verbatim.

“Lillian, what are you being so dramatic about?”

“Once this opportunity is gone, it won’t come back. Don’t regret it later!”

For the first time, I was standing my ground and repeatedly refusing him.

It finally made him angry and desperate.

Scott, I’m not being dramatic. I’ve simply stopped loving you.

The next morning, Scott surprisingly prepared breakfast.

“Since your hand isn’t up for much, I made something simple. Try it out.”

It felt like the sun had risen in the west.

Normally, I was the one up early making breakfast, while he slept in well past noon.

“Thanks,” I replied coolly, taking it as repayment for my previous efforts.

I sat down and ate the rather bland meal, the silence between us stretching like an endless divide.

“Do you need to go out today?”

Scott finally broke the silence.

“Yes, I have to discuss rehabilitation training.”

Scott immediately seized the opportunity.

“I’ll drive you.”

I looked up, meeting his gaze.

“Aren’t you worried about being seen by fans?”

Back when I worked my previous job, arriving and leaving were routine.

Occasionally, if I worked late or had an urgent situation, other women had family pick them up.

I used to envy them and had asked Scott to do the same for me.

“Lillian, I’m a public figure. What would people think if they saw me going in and out of the police station with you?”

I knew it was just another excuse.

He had taken Hannah to all sorts of public places without a second thought.

Even when people mistook them for a couple, he never bothered to clarify.

“No need, I’ll just take a cab!” I insisted.

Scott, in a huff, snatched my phone and stopped me from calling a taxi.

“Fine, let’s take my car then. At least it’s less noticeable,” I suggested.

Scott silently accepted the compromise.

At the hospital for the rehab consultation, Scott stayed by my side the whole time.

As the appointment was wrapping up, the doctor joked, “So, is this your boyfriend? He’s so considerate and patient.”

I smiled.

Patience was the one thing Scott had never shown me.

He could spend days without eating or drinking for a piece of art, but his patience with me barely lasted a minute.

“He’s just a friend,” I said.

Scott’s expression faltered for a moment.

I remembered a time when we were out for dinner, and one of his longtime fans spotted us.

He had been quick to clarify then, “Just friends!”

I was just mimicking his past behavior. There’s no need to make a fuss.

With a wave of complex cases, Sheriff Chase ordered me to work through my injury.

Each day was consumed by sifting through case files and analyzing evidence.

The only respite came during meals.

“Wow, this artist is incredibly gifted. At such a young age, he’s already made a significant mark in the art world.”

“I had no idea he and his girlfriend were college sweethearts. That’s such a juicy detail! I’ll show this to my wife and see if it curbs her habit of buying his paintings now that their relationship is public.”

I glanced at the screen, where Scott’s art exhibition was being livestreamed. His works were selling like hotcakes.

Towards the end, Hannah appeared on stage holding a painting.

The piece depicted a serene moonlit scene, with a young woman, almost angelic, gazing at a white gardenia in the painting.

The title read “Love.”

The crowd was captivated, eagerly bidding on the painting.

But Hannah simply smiled and looked affectionately at Scott.

“Not for sale, no amount of money can buy it!”

The livestream went wild, with people speculating about Hannah’s identity.

Soon, the news of the artist’s relationship was trending.

I glanced down at my meal and smiled quietly to myself.

After all, these sentimental paintings couldn’t compare to the real value of my work: giving a voice to the voiceless and seeking justice for the dead!

Hannah updated her social media with a new post:

“From now on, no matter how high the mountains or how long the roads, you’ll always be my warm harbor. That’s what love must mean!”

I deleted Hannah’s account without a second thought.

Late that night, Scott called me.

“Lillian, where are you? Why aren’t you home yet?”